1. Shoot For the Moon

April 1st is a day when people share stories that seem real until you realize they’re fake. That contrasts with every day in 2026 when we’re confronted with stories that seem like they must be fake until we realize, much to our chagrin, they’re real. Let’s go with a third option. Let’s forget, just for one blurb in one edition of this newsletter, all the craziness and distortions that dominate our streams and dreams, and focus instead on what, during normal times, would be the leading story of the day: one that includes some very out of fashion elements, such as positivity, science, human achievement, diversity, unity, a projectile fired into the sky that’s not intended to blow things up, and best of all, the glorious prospect of getting the hell out of here (like way out) for a few days. I know, I know, I’m asking for the moon. But it looks like I might get it (or at least close to it). Crowds are already gathering for the scheduled launch of Artemis II, a historic NASA mission that will shoot astronauts around the moon and back on a 10-day mission. I’m a mere Humanities major, but I’m told by the internet that following a violent collision between Earth and a protoplanet named Theia, the moon was formed from the ensuing debris. Well, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. So let’s go check it out. It’s got to beat the garbage we’re dealing with down here…

+ “Before taking his last steps on the moon, NASA astronaut Gene Cernan made sure to scratch his young daughter’s initials into the lunar dust. He had some parting thoughts for the rest of humanity, too. ‘We leave as we came and, God willing, as we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind,’ the Apollo 17 commander said before departing for Earth. That was December 1972. Now, more than half a century later, NASA may be about to fulfill Cernan’s wishes.”

+ “Their path through space could send the group farther from Earth than any human has ever ventured, surpassing the Apollo 13 distance record of 248,655 miles set in 1970.” Even though the celebration of the crew’s diversity (across race, gender, and even Canadian lines) has been deleted from government websites, it can’t be deleted from reality. Meet NASA’s Artemis II astronauts.

+ And now that you’ve met them, let’s get to know how they’ll go to the bathroom. SciAm: Artemis II’s toilet is a moon mission milestone. And a short video from BBC: “When you’re in zero gravity, how do you go to the toilet? That’s what Nasa scientists have spent more than $23 million figuring out in time for the launch of Artemis II later this week.” (I spent nearly that much on a Toto Washlet…)

+ Photos: Counting Down to the Launch of Artemis II.

+ Here’s the latest from NBC and NASA.

2. Deal or No Deal

Of course, no one would possibly try to preempt coverage of a unifying human effort like a literal moonshot. Yeah, and the moon is made of cheese. President Trump has scheduled an Oval Office address around the same time as the Artemis II launch to provide an update on the Iran war. (After exploring space, NASA should increase the range of its rocket and try to explore the far reaches of Trump’s ego.) Ahead of the speech, Trump said Iran has asked for a ceasefire. Iran says it hasn’t. Meanwhile, Trump says he’s definitely considering leaving NATO. Here’s the latest from The Guardian and NYT.

+ There have been a variety of war goals that have come and gone, but getting rid of Iran’s ability to make nuclear weapons has always been at the top of the list. Has it been achieved? David E. Sanger in the NYT (Gift Article): Iran Maintains Nuclear Capacities Despite Trump’s Claim of U.S. Success.

+ Thomas Friedman in the NYT (Gift Article): “If this were not the leadership of my own country — and if Iran were not, indeed, the most destabilizing force in the Middle East and its transformation not a worthy goal for its own people and its neighbors — I’d just sit back and watch the show, savoring the spectacle of Trump getting what he deserves. But it is my country. Iran going nuclear is a threat that could unleash nuclear proliferation all across the Middle East. And we are all going to get what Trump deserves.”

+ “Rarely has a president been surrounded by such an array of toadies and lickspittles, operating beyond their competence in an atmosphere of organizational chaos.” Eliot A. Cohen in The Atlantic (Gift Article): Lions Led by Donkeys.

3. Birthright and Wrong

“In a post on his social media site, Trump says falsely the United States is the ‘only Country in the World STUPID enough to allow Birthright” Citizenship!’ In fact, the United States is one of more than 30 countries that confer citizenship at birth with no conditions.” (Since America has the world’s leading economy and military, wouldn’t our citizenship policies be considered pretty SMART!) Trump attended part of the SCOTUS oral arguments (becoming the first president to do so). Let’s hope the act of intimidation (and the ridiculous arguments) don’t carry the day. Key Justices Appear Skeptical of Limiting Birthright Citizenship.

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4. Breaking Out of a Slump

“On phone calls over the past couple of weeks, we talked about cheating commissioners and deadbeat team owners, about booze- and weed-fueled draft rooms and end-of-season punishments for league losers. We talked about how difficult it can be to make small talk with other parents at the playground, about the ways relationships wither as we age. We talked, to a shocking degree, about death.” The Fantasy Baseball Ties That Bind. “How do fantasy sports leagues fit into the larger story of the male loneliness epidemic? You might be surprised.” (The Giants have won two in a row. That’s all the fantasy I need…)

5. Extra, Extra

How Will the Crude Feud Conclude? “If there’s irony here, it’s the tragic kind. The administration’s war of choice has made energy dangerously expensive in nearly every corner of the globe, causing needless suffering. The most fossil fuel-friendly government in recent U.S. history has shown us all just how risky reliance on oil and gas can be — and taught the world that true energy security lies in accelerating toward a cleaner, electrified future.” This Energy Crisis Is Going to Change the World. (We can hope…)

+ Swindler’s List: Proof that no headlines can shock us anymore: Federal Judge Approves Trump Effort to Obtain List of Jews From Penn. (I won’t even release the names of the Jews coming to my seder tonight.)

+ They’re Not Being Campy: You may view the phrase alpha male as ironic or funny, but “there are plenty of American men these days who regard alpha masculinity—or ‘warrior mode,’ or ‘modern knighthood,’ or other such appellations—not ironically but aspirationally. There are now programs offering to help such men achieve these aspirations, or something close … At the Men of War Crucible, you bear-crawl through rivers. At Warrior Week, you dig your own grave.” The New Yorker: The Camps Promising to Turn You—or Your Son—Into an Alpha Male. (And I thought I had it bad going away to camps that made you want to never go to camp again…)

+ Noemenclatures: “These men all knew Bryon Noem as the nice, tall insurance salesman who married Kristi Arnold, the town beauty queen who grew up to be governor. But now there were these pictures.” NYT (Gift Article): In South Dakota, Neighbors Feel Sorry for Kristi Noem’s Husband. (I sort of felt sorry for him before the pictures.)

+ Kid Gloves: Hegseth reverses Army’s suspension of aircrew who flew helicopters near Kid Rock’s home. “No punishment. No investigation, Carry on, patriots.” (I haven’t heard that line since Deflategate…)

+ Masters and Disasters: Tiger Woods says he’ll seek treatment after pleading not guilty to DUI.

+ Boss > King: “This past winter, federal troops brought death and terror to the streets of Minneapolis. Well they picked the wrong town. The power, the solidarity of the people of Minneapolis, of Minnesota, was an inspiration to the entire country. Your strength and your commitment told us this is still America. And this will not stand.” To kick off his tour, Bruce Springsteen Brings Fiery Speeches and Songs to Minneapolis. (He really couldn’t be rising to the occasion any more than he is.)

6. Bottom of the News

As I argue annually, April Fool’s Day pranks should have been canceled after the greatest one of them all. George Plimpton: The Curious Case Of Sidd Finch.

1. The Pamage is Done

Pam Bondi degraded, dismantled, and demoralized the Justice Department, securing her spot (until her replacement gets rolling) as the worst attorney general in recent memory. But, alas, she wasn’t bad enough. So the president is bailing on Bondi and has told Pam to scram. Is there no justice? All that corruption, all that damage to the department and her own reputation in the name of loyalty—and what did it get her? A one-way ticket to eternal Pamnation. What were her faults? In the eyes of the president, even after using up enough black redacting ink to fill the Capitol Reflecting Pool, she wasn’t protective enough of Trump when it came to the Epstein files, she wasn’t effective enough when it came to securing “indictments of people he referred to as ‘scum’ during a speech in the department’s Great Hall about a year ago,” and she wasn’t very good at communicating on TV (and we can’t have the greatest crime of all being committed by the nation’s top lawyer). NYT (Gift Article): Trump Fires Pam Bondi as Attorney General. Like many before her, Pam Bondi soiled her reputation and sold her soul for the promise of a payment to be made later by a guy famous for never paying his bills. Todd Blanche will temporarily take over for Bondi until Trump appoints a replacement. The only thing we can be more sure of than loyalty to Trump being unrequited is replacements being worse than their predecessors. After all, in 2026, the only law that really has any standing is Murphy’s Law.

+ “She took steps that his first-term attorneys general had refused to take, including attempting to prosecute his perceived enemies and hunting for evidence that he beat former President Joe Biden in the 2020 election. Bondi oversaw the firings and forced departures of scores of prosecutors and other employees who investigated Trump and his allies in recent years. She even placed a large banner of Trump’s face on the outside of the Justice Department.” WSJ (Gift Article): At Justice Department, Bondi tried to deliver on president’s priorities but ultimately failed to appease him. In other words, at this point, you’d have to be crazy to take this job. And that’s exactly what we should all be worried about.

+ Trump polled advisers about replacing Tulsi Gabbard as intelligence chief. (Gabbard almost let out some of her actual core beliefs during her recent testimony on the Iran war).

2. Rocket Man and Talk-It Man

“His address did not come across as a wartime speech but instead was a disjointed series of complaints, brags, and exaggerations (along with a few outright lies) delivered by a man who looked and sounded tired. After his 19 minutes on the air—brisk by Trump’s standards—Americans could be forgiven for being even more concerned now than they were only a few days ago.” Tom Nichols: Maybe Trump Should Not Have Given This Speech.

+ NYT (Gift Article): 5 Takeaways From Trump’s Address on Iran. With no new information and no clear exit plan, the speech seemed like a re-run of the press conferences and Truth Social posts we’ve been seeing for a while. So why give the prime time address? My theory: He just couldn’t let the rocket get all the attention.

+ “When we’re serious, we don’t say the opposite of what we said the day before every day, and maybe one shouldn’t speak every day.” Macron faults Trump for shifting U.S. goals and for hollowing out NATO with his attacks (and for comments about his marriage). Meanwhile Trump announces the bombing of major bridge near Tehran on his social media account. Here’s the latest from the NYT and The Guardian.

+ NYT (Gift Article): Every Trump Threat to Abandon NATO Hollows It Out. (One factor I haven’t seen mentioned is that the hollowing out of NATO will result in big-time weapons spending by allies who once thought they could count on us. Not that we’d ever alter a policy or take advantage of a crisis for financial gain. In other news: Company backed by Trump sons looks to sell drone interceptors to Gulf states being attacked by Iran.)

3. A Crisis of Biblical Proportions

“When they prayed on the Sunday after Valentine’s Day, as on other Sundays, most of the women at King’s Way Reformed Church in the old mining town of Prescott, Ariz., wore dainty kerchiefs knotted over their hair to show devotion to God. Marybelle East, 36, wore hers all the time, she said — seven days a week — ‘for him to see that I submit to his authority.’ Her husband’s authority, that is. Her head scarf is a physical reminder of biblical patriarchy, the kind of marriage the church preaches. ‘It keeps me from running my mouth,’ she said. To her and the other women, patriarchy also means ceding their political voices to their husbands. They believe America would be better off if women could not vote.” NYT (Gift Article): The Women Who Believe Women Should Lose the Right to Vote. “If a decade ago the idea was just another extreme provocation, today it is gaining adherents beyond the fringe.”

+ “You were betrayed and arrested and falsely accused. It’s a familiar pattern that our lord and savior showed us. But it didn’t end there for him, and it didn’t end there for you.” Trump’s Spiritual Adviser Faces Backlash After Comparing Him to Jesus.

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4. The Cig is Up

“Smoking in the United States, at least according to official surveys, has plummeted to an historic low. Just 9.8 percent of Americans smoked in 2024, according to a report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, down from 10.8 percent the year before.” But you wouldn’t know that cigarettes were losing their cool by watching TV and movies. And you probably wouldn’t know it by hanging around in Hollywood. The Ankler: Cigarettes Get a Sequel: Hollywood’s ‘Cool’ Bad Habit Is Back.

5. Extra, Extra

In Fact It’s a Blast: “A towering orange-and-white NASA rocket blasted off from Florida on Wednesday evening, lifting four astronauts toward space and transporting spectators’ imaginations to a future in which Americans may again set foot on the moon … ‘We have a beautiful moonrise and we’re headed right at it,” said Reid Wiseman, the NASA astronaut who is the commander of the mission.'” Artemis II Successfully Kicks Off 10-Day Lunar Mission. Here’s a look at the launch in photos, and from a pretty enthusiastic group watching from nearby. To follow along, you can watch NASA’s Artemis II Live Mission Coverage.

+ Muscular Build: “Hitler passed hours in the bunker complex studying table-size models of his future construction projects. Speer recalls sitting with Hitler as late as April 1945, the month of his suicide, while he pored over architectural projects that included a palatial residence that Hitler hoped to have completed by 1950, with an office that measured 960 square meters, 16 times the size of the old Reich chancellor office, and a dining room that could seat 1,000 guests.” The Atlantic (Gift Article): Hitler’s Edifice Complex. “He was obsessed with adding an expensive new wing to the Reich Chancellery, part of his grandiose architectural ambitions for the nation’s capital.” In other news… Trump appointee-led commission approves White House ballroom plans.

+ Betting the Over Down Under: “Australia said it would ban gambling advertisements featuring celebrities and limit online gambling advertisements to internet users over 18 from next year, an attempt to appease public health concerns but falling short of measures recommended by its own inquiry.”

+ Memory Storage: “It was so simple at the start. When Michael got into the game of flipping used goods, he just wanted to make some money. But the business of dealing in people’s abandoned possessions, it turns out, can be fraught. Two years into his pursuit, he knows all too well that every locker tells a story, many of them bleak.” A New Jersey Teen Finds Treasure, and More, in Abandoned Storage Units.

+ You Bet Your Assets: OpenAI closes record-breaking $122 billion funding round as anticipation builds for IPO. “Moments like this do not come often. The capital being deployed today is helping build the infrastructure layer for intelligence itself. Over time, that value will flow back into the economy, to companies, to communities, and increasingly to individuals.” Ooh, I can’t wait…

6. Bottom of the News

“Hershey said Wednesday it will use classic recipes for all Reese’s products starting next year, a change that comes after the grandson of Reese’s founder criticized the company for shifting to cheaper ingredients.”

1. The Straight Dope

Pete Hegseth finally found straits he could protect: White male ones. While the military he oversees is attempting to remove the blockade of the Strait of Hormuz, Hegseth is managing a military blockade of personnel within his department. And somehow, this is happening in a time of war. But, apparently, no battle matters as much to Hegseth as the one against diversity. “Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth fired Gen. Randy George, the Army’s chief of staff, on Thursday, a move that reflects growing hostility between Mr. Hegseth and the Army’s leadership … The tension with Mr. Hegseth was not rooted in substantive differences over the direction of the Army, military officials said. Rather it is the product of Mr. Hegseth’s long-running grievances with the Army, battles over personnel and his troubled relationship with Army Secretary Daniel P. Driscoll … Mr. Hegseth has also clashed in recent months with General George and Mr. Driscoll over the defense secretary’s decision to block the promotion of four Army officers to be one-star generals. Two of the officers targeted by Mr. Hegseth are Black and two are women on a promotion list that consisted of 29 other officers, most of whom are white men.” This is not the headline you want to see in a time of war: Hegseth Fires Army Chief Amid Battle With Its Leaders. The Pentagon chief, who has earned the nickname Dumb McNamara, is now firing wildly qualified military leaders for their insistence on promoting other wildly qualified military leaders. Maybe it makes sense Hegseth changed his agency’s name to the Dept of War, because there’s no defense for the way he’s running it.

+ DEI Another Day: “Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has taken steps to block or delay promotions for more than a dozen Black and female senior officers across all four branches of the military, some of whom are seen as having been targeted because of their race, gender or perceived affiliation with Biden administration policies or officials, according to nine U.S. officials familiar with the process.” NBC: Hegseth has intervened in military promotions for more than a dozen senior officers.

+ “Hegseth began his tenure by acting against what he sees as a Pentagon infested with DEI hires. He pushed for the removal of the then–chairman of the Joint Chiefs, C. Q. Brown, who is Black, and he fired a raft of female military leaders, replacing them all with men. But dumping the Army chief of staff in the middle of a war, without explanation, is a reckless move even by Hegseth’s standards … Trump and Hegseth have been on a clear mission to politicize the U.S. military, and to turn it into an armed extension of the MAGA movement. Hegseth regularly proselytizes, both for Trump and for his right-wing evangelical beliefs, from the Pentagon podium.” Tom Nichols: Hegseth’s War on America’s Military.

+ This would all be bad in a time of peace. It’s much worse during a war, a point hammered home by the latest news from the Gulf. “Iran shot down a U.S. fighter jet over the country, the first time that has occurred in five weeks of war, and American forces were rushing to find and rescue its two crew members. The loss of the F-15E jet and the rescue efforts, reported by Iranian media and confirmed by U.S. and Israeli officials, create a military and diplomatic challenge for the United States. President Trump has threatened in recent days to bombard Iran ‘back to the Stone Ages,’ and over the past 24 hours, the United States and Iran have been trading attacks on military and civilian infrastructure in the region.” As I’m writing, one of the American fighter pilots has been rescued. Here’s the latest from the NYT and NBC.

2. Chronic Tonic

People with chronic illnesses are as aware as the rest of us that chatbots sometimes get it wrong. But they’re also comparing the act of using them to their experiences with the medical system. “The medical system really failed me. Is it a good thing to be depending on A.I. for medical advice? I don’t think so. But it’s the option that’s available.” Doctors Couldn’t Help Them. They Rolled the Dice With A.I. “Some women with complex chronic illnesses are using chatbots to search for diagnoses or relief from their symptoms.” (The answers may not always be satisfying, but at least the doctor will always see you now…)

+ The Verge (Gift Article): Chatbots are now prescribing psychiatric drugs. (It’s just for renewals … for now.)

3. Drunk on Life

“In 2019, Mark Mongiardo, then a high school athletic director, was pulled over in Sullivan County, N.Y., after a dinner with the boys’ golf team. He’d eaten a hot dog and some fries, washed down with a soda. He hadn’t had a sip of alcohol, but the officer who stopped Mr. Mongiardo for using his phone while driving smelled it anyway. A breathalyzer test showed Mr. Mongiardo’s blood alcohol content was .18 percent, more than twice the legal driving limit. It was his second drunken driving offense in two years, but these episodes of unexplained intoxication had begun decades earlier.” It turns out that some people can get drunk from the inside. Their bodies essentially make ethanol. And though that might sound fun, it’s anything but. It’s a brewing storm. “D.W.I.s, relationship problems, accusations of secret drinking: Auto-brewery syndrome can wreak havoc on people’s lives and reputations.” NYT (Gift Article): The Mystifying Syndrome That Makes People Spontaneously Drunk.

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4. Weekend Whats

What to Read: Longtime readers have followed along with Robbi Behr and Matthew Swanson and their excellent Busload of Books program. They are also a very accomplished author and illustrator team, and their latest book couldn’t be better timed (or better reviewed). Take Lemony Snicket’s word for it: “Is there anything more exciting than a trip to the moon? Yes: This book.” Order Life on the Moon today. This one is going to be huge.

+ What to Movie: I’m still catching up on all the Oscar-nominated movies. I’ve got to say, my favorite one so far, by quite a bit, is Sentimental Value, now streaming on Hulu.

+ What to Banana: The Roastmaster General takes to Broadway and gets heartfelt in a funny, meaningful look at life, family, death, and, well, bananas. On Netflix, Jeff Ross: Take a Banana for the Ride.

5. Extra, Extra

Fill ‘Er Up: “Roughly half of global food production depends on synthetic nitrogen fertilizer. Without it, crop yields would tumble, pushing up prices of household staples including bread, rice, potatoes and pasta, and would also make animal feed more expensive. Some of the world’s poorest countries are among the most vulnerable to fertilizer price rises.” For some of those affected by the Iran war, filling up is not optional. ‘Food security timebomb’: a visual guide to the Gulf fertilizer blockade. (Whether we like it or not, we’re all interconnected.)

+ Bondi Voyage: “Bondi, a former attorney general of Florida, has presided over a department that has eagerly subordinated itself to President Donald Trump’s whims. That submission, made manifest by the banner of a glowering Trump that now hangs from the Department of Justice building, included seeking to bring baseless cases against Trump’s perceived political enemies, ordered up by the President himself; purging the department of career lawyers and F.B.I. agents deemed insufficiently loyal; and launching a belligerent campaign against ‘rogue judges’ who dared to challenge Administration actions.” The New Yorker: Pam Bondi’s Legacy of Flattery and Destruction. It still wasn’t enough. That’s why “her successor could be even more dangerous.” As I wrote yesterday: All that corruption, all that damage to the department and her own reputation in the name of loyalty—and what did it get her? A one-way ticket to eternal Pamnation. (Meanwhile, Trump’s personal defense attorney has taken over as Attorney General. He recently Shut Down Enforcement Against Crypto Companies While Holding More Than $150,000 in Crypto Investments. In other words, he’s perfectly qualified.)

+ Back At the Other War… “Ukrainian counteroffensives were one reason, as well as technological issues that have hindered battlefield communication: Starlink has cut Russia’s access to its satellite internet, and the Kremlin prevented its own troops from using the messaging app Telegram in favor of a state-run option.” Russia’s battlefield progress stalls entirely.

+ Who Would Have Predicted? The Trump administration to states: You can’t regulate prediction markets. (And this has nothing to do with Don Jr’s roles at Kalshi and Polymarket.)

+ Watch This Space: “SpaceX boosted its target IPO valuation above $2 trillion, according to people familiar with the matter, as the world’s most valuable startup gears up to pitch potentially the biggest-ever market debut.” That’s up from a valuation of $1.25 trillion way back in … February. And I’m just a Humanities major, but that’s about 100 times 2026 projected revenue.

+ Sounds About Par for the Course: “Bodycam footage of Tiger Woods’s arrest for DUI shows the golfer looking surprised when he was handcuffed by police officers at the scene of a vehicle crash last week and telling a deputy he had spoken to ‘the president’ on the phone after the incident.”

6. Feel Good Friday

“Doctors believed that Woody Brown would never be able to speak or process language. He went to graduate school and is publishing his debut novel.” ‘I Thought I Would Be Caged My Whole Life.’

+ “Rounding a little-used pier with a hulking century-old building, he found an open garage door and peered inside. The building was cavernous, seemingly in good shape, and entirely empty. That’s all it took for Eggers, the Pulitzer finalist and conjurer of offbeat endeavors, to spin his way into another.” A Free Home for San Francisco Artists. (And another great program from the excellent, and indefatigable, Dave Eggers.)

+ NASA’s Artemis II has left Earth’s orbit, and 4 astronauts now head to the moon. (And they got a pretty nice shot of us.)

+ The economy added more jobs than expected in March.

+ Molly the border collie rescued after a week waiting for injured owner in New Zealand’s remote backcountry.

+ There’s a New Place to Store Greenhouse Gases: In Your Beer. (It’s gonna have to be a pretty large beer.)

+ Unsuspecting windsurfer collides with gray whale in San Francisco Bay. (Both escaped without injury…though this is not being covered as feel good news in the whale press.)