Hello, my friend :)

It’s been just over four months, since I sent my last newsletter. A lot has changed in that time, and there are also a lot of new people who are hearing from me for the first time. So I’m here to say: hello to all! A very belated “happy new year”. And before starting the next season of the newsletter, I thought it would be nice to share some of what I’ve been doing, consuming + thinking about so far this year. Future newsletters may not make sense, without this info.

What I’ve Been Doing

Overall, the first few months of 2019 have generally been pretty quiet. I created a nice routine: writing first thing in the morning, going to the gym/hiking in the afternoon, visiting with friends (and spending many hours/days holding the new identical twin girls born to one of my oldest friends!) and having a night at home. As much as I like to challenge myself, I’ve also accepted that routine really does help me get things done—as well as supports my mental health.

What has made this a little more interesting is that I’ve done all of this in my hometown, Victoria, BC. Last summer, I began to wonder what it would be like to give up my apartment and travel full-time for a year. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it also seemed like a natural extension of how I’ve already been living. And so, after sitting on that question for some time, I ultimately decided to give it a go. I gave up my apartment in Squamish and left there at the end of 2018.

My idea, for this year anyway, is that I’ll spend a few months at my dad’s house in Victoria, and then spend the rest of the year travelling. I want to move fairly slowly, staying in places for at least one month at a time—and that’s both so I can maintain my routine and enjoy the new places I’m in. It’s not something everyone would enjoy, and I certainly won’t sell it as a dream, but it’s feeling quite natural, so far.

So, that’s a fairly big update on my personal life, I suppose! Aside from that, I’ve actually been working a lot. The paperback version of The Year of Less came out in January, and I did two events to support that: one at Powell’s in Portland, the other for a great group of people in Nashville. But most of the work I’ve been doing this year was on my proposal for book #2. And I’m so happy to share that it was acquired by Little, Brown Spark a few weeks ago!

I’ll be able to tell you a lot more about that, as time goes on. For now, I’m excited to share the title: ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT. It should be ready for you in fall 2020. :)

What I’ve Been Consuming

Whew! Ok, that was a pretty massive update, haha. But oddly, I’m more excited to share what I’ve been consuming + thinking about so far this year. Because that’s the nitty gritty stuff, right? Some of the details that make up our days!

At the start of 2019, I still felt completely tapped out of nearly everything happening online—and in a lot of ways, that hasn’t changed. The general feeling I get when I look at most blogs/social media profiles is that everyone is an expert and they are all prescribing expertise I’ll never have or yet another long list of things I will never achieve, all of which, ultimately, just makes me feel worse about myself. And I can’t read it anymore.

I’ve been craving stories. Journeys to follow. Even just the “boring” (NOT BORING) updates we used to share on blogs. Like what are you thinking about right now? What have you been curious enough to actually learn more about? And where are the BEGINNERS!? Where are the people who are raising their hands and saying “I have no idea what I’m doing, but here’s what I’m attempting and my progress so far”? I miss those days. Blogging was actually fun, back then.

Books

In the absence of reading whatever is on the internet these days, I’ve picked up more books this year. Way more than usual. To date, I’ve read 14 (about 4 per month)! And aside from Company of One and Digital Minimalism (both of which I love), they have been memoirs and works of fiction. Stories. Real-life thoughts and lessons. Characters you are rooting for (or some you’re not). And my gosh, it has felt both indulgent, and like a really positive shift.

A few of my faves so far have been:

• Becoming by Michelle Obama (listened to the audiobook, which she narrated)
• Come Back Frayed by Colin Wright (the first line basically described me to a tee)
• Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Chouinard (a mix of personal stories and lessons)
• No Happy Endings by Nora McInerny (I appreciate her and love the message of this story)
• ***The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer + Annie Barrows

***THIS BOOK! UGH, so good! I read it after watching the movie (for the second time) and believe it is one I will read again and again. It’s written entirely in letters being sent between people, and has inspired an idea for this newsletter.

Podcasts

You might remember that last year I basically unsubscribed from everything, including most newsletters and podcasts. I also stopped using Twitter. Part of this was to help with the general sense of overwhelm re: how much content exists (reminder: you can’t read, watch and do everything). But I was also curious how my thoughts about them all might change. And change, they have! There were a few newsletters I missed (and a few more I unsubscribed from). And I kept experimenting with Twitter, but don’t think I’ll ever go back there. It’s simply too hostile.

The change with podcasts was a little bigger. First, I not only unsubscribed from them all but also deleted every episode I had downloaded. A little digital declutter, I suppose. Then, whenever I missed a show, I would download the latest episode that sounded interesting. Sometimes I enjoyed them, but I haven’t subscribed to any of them. Instead, I’ve taken recommendations from friends to listen to a specific episode of a podcast, and have found so many new voices and topics that way. I’ve also found a few people I enjoy and listened to many interviews they’ve done, so I can learn more.

This isn’t particularly helpful, I’m sure, but I’m sharing because it’s been yet another act of letting go. Releasing the expectation that you have to follow something entirely from beginning to end, and being ok with the fact that some things only come into your life for a reason or a season.

Anyway, here are the few podcasts I’ve listened to more than one episode of:

• Climate One – candid conversations about energy, the economy and the environment. I started by devouring the episodes with Yvon Chouinard (who I’m fascinated with right now).
• Front Burner – my new fave podcast by the CBC. Every weekday, Jayme Poisson takes one of the big stories in Canada and helps you understand what’s going on, what the impact is, etc.
• Making Sense – Sam Harris changed the name of his podcast, which threw me off. I’ve listened to the eps with Jack Dorsey (Twitter) and Roger McNamee (Facebook). Also have the one on digital capitalism downloaded.
• Real Talk Radio – Nicole has done TWENTY (20) seasons of this show now and I still love it! Have a few episodes from the new season downloaded for upcoming travel days. :)
• The Slow Home Podcast – Brooke and Ben decided to change the format of the podcast and start doing it in seasons, which I am always in favour of (change is healthy). It was also lovely to hear about their journey home.

What I’ve Been Thinking About

The better question might be: what haven’t I been thinking about this year? As you can imagine, with giving up my home, selling another book, travelling full-time, there’s a lot on my mind. For the sake of keeping things simple, I’ll share two topics and some of the thoughts I’ve had around them both. I will preface this by saying there are no answers here. Just thoughts, questions, etc. :)

1. A few months ago, I listened to this podcast called The Dream. It’s about the history of MLMs (multi-level marketing companies) and I devoured all 11 episodes within a week. There were so many interesting points shared throughout it (including people’s experiences with them) but there was one that really stood out for me: the fact that, yes, there are some people who make a lot of money with MLMs. But they are the 1%. The majority of the money they earn comes from the people they have recruited. And while MLMs haven’t disappeared, more and more people now see them for what they are and avoid them at all costs. While I was listening, the only thing I could think about was: wow, this sounds a lot like selling the dream of being a full-time blogger. Yes, some people make a lot of money doing it. But they are the 1%. The majority of the money they earn comes from people clicking on affiliate links, buying products, etc. And people can package up their tips, tricks and expertise, but they can’t sell their unique experiences, character traits, or skills that help them do what they do. A few questions I’ve pondered since: I wonder how long the “make money online” industry will continue to seem appealing? If this hasn’t happened already, I wonder when people will begin to avoid blogs that talk about ways to make money, the same way we avoid friends who join MLMs and try to sell us products we don’t need? And I wonder if/when the whole thing will crumble? Maybe never! Actually, probably never! But anyway, that one podcast series opened my eyes in a way I wasn’t expecting when I first started listening.
2. How can I do more to help the planet? It’s the one question I’ve thought about more than anything else, this year. And it’s scary to start writing and sharing any of the thoughts that have come up for me, because I only know enough to know I don’t know much of anything yet lol. I am not an expert on the environment or climate change or consumption or waste or anything else. I’m also not interested in becoming an expert or trying to be “perfect”. But I’m standing in the place most of my other personal journeys have begun: where I’m starting to notice things and pay more attention, ask questions and figure out what feels right for me, before taking too many steps down a new and unknown path. One thing I have done is committed to donating 1% of my income to environmental causes via 1% For The Planet. I’ve also been looking for more podcasts on these topics, so I can find new people to learn from, books to read, etc. If you have any suggestions, I’m all ears! Please! Anything you want to share. :)

Ok, I’ll leave it there for today, my friend! I’ll be starting up my newsletter again, and have a fun idea for it that I’m excited to share with you. But now I’d love to hear from you. How has 2019 been so far? What’s on your mind? Is there anything you want to learn more about this year?

xx Cait

This was originally shared in my newsletter.

Hello, my friend :)

I’m writing from the kitchen table at a friend’s flat in London. It’s 9am, around 11°C (52°F) and looks like we’re in for yet another classic British forecast: some sun, some cloud, some rain, and a little wind to mix it all up and sprinkle it throughout the day. Note that I’m not complaining! This weather is similar to what I would be experiencing at home. I’m only talking about it because that’s what you do in the UK. ;)

I’ve been in England for a month now, and it’s taken that long for me to feel like I can settle in and get some actual work done now. That’s not good or bad. It’s just something I’m going to have to think more about, as I continue to map out my travels. Because I’ve been here before, I assumed I would be able to quickly settle into a routine of writing, going for long walks, cooking, seeing some friends, etc. Of course, it’s never as simple as we want it to be, is it?

Within 5 days of being here, I reconnected with someone I met last year and our first conversation quickly opened my eyes and shifted one of my priorities. At the same time, it only took one trip to the grocery store for me to be faced with a new truth: that my thoughts and values around the consumption of single-use plastics have changed dramatically over the past year, and I feel really (read: really) uncomfortable shopping here now, where nearly everything is wrapped in it.

Before I left Victoria, I had coffee with an old friend I hadn’t seen in a few years. When we said goodbye, he hugged me and whispered, “you know you’re going to come back changed, right?” It hit me hard, and felt like the most honest thing someone had ever said to me. I said yes and, one month later, I can confirm that he was right. But it’s also true that I changed even before I left. I just didn’t know it, until I returned to somewhere I’d been before and saw it with new eyes.

Anyway, I still haven’t dug deep enough into those thoughts or feelings yet, to make more sense of them or figure out what’s next for me. What I have done is kept a detailed journal of everything I’ve done so far on this trip, along with little notes so I can remember what I was thinking while I was here. In flipping through the pages, I realized that some of my notes might actually be helpful for others. So I’ve compiled a list of 30 thoughts to share from my first 30 days away.

I hope at least one of them feels good for you. :)

1. Sometimes meeting someone one time is good enough, and you should leave the memory at that.
2. Sometimes meeting someone a second and third time proves to be better, and you realize you might have even more in common than you thought the first time.
3. You won’t know who the “one time only” people are, until you see them a second or third time.
4. You can change a lot in a year.
5. Your values can change a lot in a year too.
6. The people you can sit in silence with, or quietly read your own books together with, are special. It’s strange how being silent with someone can actually be more memorable than forcing your way through a conversation.
7. When you’re unexpectedly in the same place as someone at the same time, make plans. The universe wants you to spend time together.
8. It’s not always a good idea to meet your heroes. But sometimes, you meet them and are pleasantly surprised to discover they are exactly who you hoped they would be.
9. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. (I already knew this lesson, but have been reminded of it a few times.)
10. There are people who understand you and people who never will. Don’t try to force the latter. It’s ok if only a few people really understand you. It’s a gift to have even one.
11. You don’t owe anyone an interaction. Hard stop.
12. Being a beginner sucks most of the time, until you’re no longer a beginner. When you start to see the early signs of your efforts paying off, you’ll be glad you tried something new.
13. Being self-aware is exhausting. But it can also be a gift for you and everyone who comes into your life.
14. You don’t have to always be right. One day, you will overhear a stranger from another country try to explain something silly/inconsequential about yours. And they will get it all wrong, but tell the story with such enthusiasm that you can’t bear to tell them the truth. So, don’t! Let them think they are right. Who is it really hurting?
15. It can feel really good to do regular daily life things in new cities.
16. Move at the pace that feels natural to you.
17. “Treat everyone you meet like an old friend.” (I first read this quote in a book last year, and have thought about it almost every day since—especially when it comes to dating.)
18. Rejection isn’t about you. Even if it seems like it is, it’s really not.
19. A breakup won’t be the worst thing you go through. You’ve survived worse.
20. The kindest thing you can do is let someone go on their own journey, even if it doesn’t include you.
21. Don’t be afraid to tell people what positive impact they’ve had on you. We don’t do this enough, probably because it’s scary. But put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn’t it be nice to hear how you had helped someone?
22. The thought of trying to do anything to help the planet is so overwhelming, because you quickly realize that basically everything you do is bad for the planet. Turn the dial back and remember what ONE thing sparked these spiralling thoughts. Start with that.
23. All you can do is live according to your values.
24. When someone invites you to go on an adventure, don’t ask too many questions. Say yes, pack water/snacks and go.
25. The state of your space is the state of your mind.
26. Decluttering is just a tool. You need to dig up the root(s) cause, so it doesn’t keep spreading and you aren’t clearing out the mess again every 5-10 years.
27. There’s no point in earning more money or being successful if you aren’t sharing it with people/the world.
28. Nothing matters more than the health of you and your loved ones.
29. When it comes to big/tough decisions, take your ego out of the equation and then ask yourself what you should do.
30. When in doubt, rent the pedal boat. You will laugh. A LOT.

xx Cait

PS – I wrote the intro to this newsletter in my journal, and am thinking about writing them all like that while I’m away and, of course, sharing them with you! It feels like I’m writing a letter to a friend (and who doesn’t love snail mail?). The tone will naturally be much more conversational, but I’m curious if my writing will get any better as time goes on and I can’t constantly self-edit? I won’t know, unless I try! Here’s to new experiments and being a beginner again. :)

This was originally shared in my newsletter.

Another thoughtful guest post for slow travel week! This one is from my friend Amanda.

Travel has been part of my life since I was nine years old, when my parents packed us up for a six-month motorhome trip around Europe. Thanks to Australia’s long service leave provisions, my dad could take six months off work and still get paid, so off we went. It was a low-budget trip with lots of simple meals and days spent playing in local parks, following the principles of slow travel long before anyone started to describe it that way.

To say that the travel bug bit me on that trip would be an understatement, and so much of my life—and let’s be honest, my money—has been spent on travel ever since. In my teens and early twenties, I couldn’t really explain my desire to travel more, I just knew I wanted to do it.

I grew up in Perth, Western Australia, which is a gorgeous city but is known to many as the most isolated city in the world. Even the next significant city is close to a two-day drive away. It’s improved a lot thanks to the internet age, but Perth in the past really lagged behind the rest of the world and it felt stifling growing up here; most people from my age group have moved away at least for a few years. Some come back; others never do.

It wasn’t until I finally left Perth, after several failed attempts, and moved to teach English in Japan at the age of 25, that I finally began to understand why I wanted to travel. When I’m travelling, I really and truly feel alive. Leaving behind the humdrum of daily home life and exploring cultural differences, meeting people who speak different languages, and taking in amazing landscapes and enticing cities—all of this gives me so much energy and inspiration.

But even more than making me feel properly alive, travelling has changed me and taught me so much. Most of my core values are thoughts I developed from my experiences living and travelling throughout Asia and Europe. Empathy for others—especially others who have a different background to me—is something I learnt when I had to understand why my Japanese friends were so worried about making a mistake speaking English; acknowledging and accepting different viewpoints was something I understood after chatting many times with friends in Slovakia about how their life had been different under socialism and capitalism.

Travelling also taught me confidence and the quiet ability to know that everything will work out okay, eventually. When I left Australia, I’d been suffering from bouts of severe anxiety since my late teens, and I had phobias of driving on highways, of flying, of being in elevators. But removing myself from the place where it all started, and opening myself up to these new experiences of the world, changed everything. I lived in buildings where I could only reach my apartment in an elevator, and doing that every day dissolved that phobia. I loved so much to see new countries, and flying was often the only way, so I kept doing it until I didn’t have a panic attack on take off. I still don’t love driving on highways, but I pushed myself enough that I managed to pass my German driving licence test, including a stint on the Autobahn.

I could go on, but suffice to say, when I think about what makes up my personality and outlook on the world, I know that all of it has been influenced oh-so-heavily by my travels.

And now I have a seven-year-old son and I’m back in Perth. It’s such a big responsibility, trying to shape the way a small human being thinks, but I’m trying to use what influence I have as effectively as possible. So far, I’ve raised him to love to travel, and to not really see differences but to see the similarities that we all have, because after all, we are all human. When he plays with his Lego, or his cars and trucks and planes, so often his games turn into experiences on a world-wide scale—his Lego car is driving some Lego guys to the airport to fly to Iceland and see the puffins; his trucks are carrying sumo wrestlers and taiko drums and sushi stands for a festival in Japan. It warms my heart.

As a single parent, I don’t have a huge budget, and remember, we live in Perth, the most isolated city on the planet. But travel is important, and I find ways to take my son travelling as often as possible—usually abroad once or twice a year, at least. It changes him every time.

Just before our most recent trip, to Malaysia and Singapore, he’d been getting stressed in school and was emotionally pretty worn down. By the first night of our trip, it was like a huge weight had lifted off him, and he was back being a happy-go-lucky seven-year-old. He brought that feeling back from our trip, and I saw him run so confidently into school, restored by the same inspirational feeling that travel gives me, too.

My son hasn’t even yet reached the age I was when I first travelled, and he’s been to a dozen different countries and experienced so many varied cultures and people. When I look at how much travelling has impacted my life, and to think that at his age, none of that had started, I feel proud that I’m able to give him these amazing lessons that are shaping his personality and thinking. And I look forward to travelling with him to many more places, and watching both of us continue to grow through travel.

Amanda blogs about travel at NotABallerina.com and hosts The Thoughtful Travel Podcast where she chats with fellow travel-lovers about all of the wonderful lessons travel provides.

May was not meant to be a month of silence. I did not intend to disappear. My plan with the slow technology experiment was only to take a break from social media, not the blog. I had planned to write a post about the role television plays in my life, these days. I had also planned to write a post about how I use technology, as a whole. Of course, as I continue to learn again and again, things don’t always go as planned. Life is not always in our control. In fact, I think it was Lauryn Hill who said, “We can’t plan life. All we can do is be available for it.”

And that’s exactly what I did in May. I made myself available to the two creatures who needed me more than anyone or anything else: our family dogs.

The girls, as we call them, have been part of our family since shortly after I graduated from high school. We brought Molly home in 2004, and got Lexie in 2005. There is no doubt we spoiled them, the way many small dog owners do (and sometimes have to). But they loved the same things as every other dog: going on walks (especially at the beach), eating food and hanging out with their pack. And they each came with their own unique personality. Lexie is a brat who plays by her own rules, and Molly quickly became her protector.

In April, Molly started showing signs she was aging. She ate a little slower, took the stairs a little slower, walked a little slower. We had one scare with her in early May, where we had to leave her in the animal hospital overnight. She quickly recovered, though, and came home the next day. Unfortunately, just 2.5 weeks later, we had to bring her back in. Again, I thought we were going to bring her home the next day, but things don’t always go as planned. Her test results showed us we had to let her go. We said goodbye to Molly (age 13) on May 22nd.

Since then, I have spent almost every minute of every day with Lexie. She’s been adjusting to life without Molly fairly well (probably because I rarely leave her side). However, she started showing her own signs of aging a few weeks ago. While Molly was slowing down, Lexie started doing circles; and walking around like she was drunk; and even bumping into things. It was easy to assume she was just going blind—until she had two seizures. With all of that combined, our vet says it’s likely she has a brain tumor. We got this news on May 26th.

It’s fair to say I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster, this past week. The pain comes in waves. Lexie and I will have a great day, then I’ll crawl into bed and be so uncomfortable in the silence that I burst into tears. Sometimes, it’s just the little things: doing a routine that would have normally involved Molly and remembering she’s not here anymore. I’ve even missed hearing her bark at the mailman. To counter this, there have also been a lot of smiles and laughs in our family, as we share our favourite things about her. Molly was truly loved.

If Lexie does have a brain tumor, there’s no way to tell how long she will be here with us. My heart is broken at the thought of having to say goodbye to her too. So far, two things have helped me not have a breakdown about it: 1) knowing she’s not in pain, and 2) knowing she is blissfully unaware of her condition. That second point is something I think about many times each day, and comes with even more lessons of its own.

While I’ve been trying to figure out what slow living looks like, the girls have been exemplifying it their whole lives. And while they have needed me this month, Molly and Lexie have taught me lessons I will carry with me for a lifetime. <3

• Live in the moment. Dogs have no concept of time. They live one day at a time, and enjoy each moment as it comes. Whether they are laying in the sun, playing with a toy or going for a walk, they are simply happy to be alive – and to be spending that moment with someone in their pack.
• It’s ok to cry. That’s not to say they have no emotions. Molly was one of the most emotional dogs I’ve ever met, and wore her heart on her sleeve. But she didn’t sit around worrying all day. She simply had emotional reactions in the moments they were needed (like when something was wrong with Lexie).
• Make sure your basic needs are met. Dogs only have a few basic needs: food and water, a place to sleep and access to a patch of grass. They don’t care what colour their leash is, how cute their toys and beds are, or anything else. They just need food, water, exercise and sleep. And a human. :)
• Be grateful your basic needs are met. One of the best things about living in the moment is that dogs also have no concept of wanting more. They don’t care about getting the newest or best of anything. They are simply grateful to eat their food, lap up their water, soak up the sun and get some attention.
• Give people your full attention. Speaking of attention, dogs are the one animal that give humans all of theirs. They greet you with pure love and joy. When you’re together, they look at you – not at their cell phones. And for as long as you are willing to give them your attention, they will give theirs to you.
• Nature is therapy. I have never met a dog who didn’t jump at the words, “Do you want to go for a walk?” They don’t care about climbing mountains or running personal bests. And they really don’t care about the pictures you can take and share on social media. Dogs are simply excited to get some fresh air and spend more time with their pack. It also helps them release some energy and sleep better at night.
• Don’t take life too seriously. There is always a reason to play. <3

None of this is to say I’ve put it all into practice and am high on life right now. I’ve spent much of the past week in a daze. While I’m present with Lexie, I have ignored my inbox and my client work. I dragged the vacuum out last Monday, but didn’t actually vacuum the house until yesterday. I even forgot about an important interview, and wrote down the wrong date for my nephew’s birthday party. Grief messes with us. It’s human. I’m human. But my four-legged family members are doing their best to bring me down to earth and remind me to be present.

I’ll do an update on the social media detox next week, but for now I will say this: I don’t know what was shared online, but I know it wasn’t important to me. I don’t care what news I missed, which trends became fashionable or who made the top 10 list of whatever. The only thing that mattered was taking care of the girls, starting to grieve the loss of Molly and making sure Lexie was living her best days. There is nothing more important than the people and animals in our lives. Please give yours an extra hug and cuddle today. xo

UPDATE: Lexie lost her fight on May 31st. My heart is broken, but I’m so grateful I got to spend all her final days with her. The girls are together again. <3

There are a lot of posts out there that talk about why it’s important to spend time outdoors. It’s a natural remedy that offers a workout, lifts our spirits and helps us sleep better at night. It gives us the opportunity to disconnect from our constantly-connected world and take some time to be with ourselves and others. And it can come with beautiful views and show us parts of the worlds we might otherwise never see.

All of those are factors in why I love spending time outdoors, but I don’t need—and don’t want—to write a post with that same list. Yes, I’ve found that even a 30-minute mindfulness walk around your neighbourhood can be a meditative experience that provides an immense amount of relief and clarity. That’s exactly why I go for a walk every day. But that’s not why spending time outdoors matters to me.

Growing up, I wasn’t good at much. I learned how to read even before I could ride a bike (and I learned that at age 5). So I read a lot and rode my bike around the different neighbourhoods I grew up in. I also loved to swim. But I wasn’t good at anything else.

I attempted to play basketball for a couple years but was lucky if I could make 15% of my shots. I usually walked away from volleyball games with sprained fingers. I still don’t understand how I was part of a relay team in track and field but that was short-lived. Soccer and softball were laughable. And I hated literally every other sport we had to play in gym class. I wasn’t lazy. I just wasn’t good.

Something I’ve only accepted and started to work through this year is the fact that I am a recovering perfectionist. This has manifested differently in all areas of my life, but when you’re a kid and you’re not immediately good at any sport, it means you basically always feel like a failure. It was like walking around with a sandwich board hanging over me that read, “DON’T PICK ME” on the front and, “I SUCK” on the back.

So, when I was done being forced to play these games I was terrible at in gym class, I would walk away feeling like a failure and run to the worlds of the things I was good at. Reading books, riding my bike and swimming. By age 13, I was also good at partying, and being drunk and high was my favourite world of all.

The irony of being a perfectionist who is “good” at partying is that it will ultimately lead to some kind of failure. If you’re lucky, that failure will lead you back to a sober life. I got sober when I was 27 and, while my self-worth still isn’t exactly where I would like it to be, I know I’m better in this world than in the party world. I know because it’s the first world where I have truly felt like I could be myself—and I have the outdoors to thank for that.

I have always loved* being outside. As soon as I got my driver’s license, I took my little old Hyundai Excel on as many adventures as she could handle. When we needed more space, my girlfriends and I would fill up the back of my dad’s truck with gear and set out to explore Vancouver Island and the Gulf Islands. We would hike, bike, swim, skimboard (and bail). We would camp in places that didn’t have much water, not shower for 4 or 5 days, and come home covered in dirt. And I loved it.

*Note: There are still things I don’t love. Like the heat. I’m as pale as a ghost and burn easily. The hot sun and I are not friends. But you learn how to manage (or avoid) these things!

Still, I never considered myself particularly outdoorsy. Then I spent two years with a guy who hated the outdoors and who I essentially melted into and shaped myself into whoever he wanted me to be. Not long after we broke up, I started going hiking and camping more regularly again, but I did it for some of the wrong reasons: to prove something, to spend time with certain people and to party. (And I’ll never forgot how proud I used to be when I could wake up without a hangover and do a sunrise hike. Pretty cool, Cait.)

I started spending time outdoors for better reasons in 2011, when I was maxed out with nearly $30,000 of debt and was also at my heaviest weight. It was a free workout, and a free activity I could do with friends where we could take in some beautiful views together. Also, the workout + the fresh air helped me sleep better at night, which was a rarity during a time when I was so stressed out by my financial situation. These were all wins.

I was still drinking at the time, but I was also doing these other things to better myself—and it was only a matter of time before the two worlds couldn’t work well together. After taking control of my finances and my health, I decided to take control of my drinking and completely opt out. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Living in this world and seeing it through sober eyes is such a gift, but it has also come with its own challenges. I had wrapped up so much of my identity in being “good” at partying and being the girl everyone wanted to party with. Since I let go of that girl, I’ve been left with an odd-shaped hole inside me that I still can’t seem to fill up.

Some days, I genuinely don’t understand why people would want to invite me places. And I don’t usually like to talk about this but a huge reason I don’t date is because of one particular story I tell myself: I won’t find a guy who is comfortable dating a girl who doesn’t drink. (On the surface, I know that’s not true. But there is so much power in the stories we tell ourselves that I’ve let that one stop me from even trying to find him.)

Remember when I said my self-worth still isn’t where I want it to be? That’s one example of what I’m working through—and I am working through it. Being sober means I am finally able to acknowledge and voice these things, rather than numb myself. So, I know I’m better in this world than in the party world, because it’s the first world where I have truly felt like I could be myself—and I also have the outdoors to thank for that.

The outdoors is the one place where I’ve never felt like I had to measure up to anyone else. Let’s look at hiking as an example. I love hiking. I love it because it’s not a race. It doesn’t matter how fast you complete a hike or if you even complete it at all. And it doesn’t demand you have any skills, other than wanting to go, then putting one foot in front of the other, and picking yourself up if you slip or fall.

Hiking also doesn’t demand you look a certain way. You don’t need to keep up with trends or wear name brands or be a certain height or weight. Comfort and sensibility are the only two things to consider (along with how much food and water you want to pack). And you should just start by expecting to get dirty. Use your hands to get up and sit down to rest when you need to. The rocks, trees, stumps, and your friends are happy to help.

Along the way, you can appreciate the scenery and even the work that’s gone into creating and maintaining the trails you’re on. And if you make it to the viewpoint, amazing! Soak it all in. If you’re in a time where things feel hard or the world feels like a bad place, taking in that view has a way of putting things into perspective—the most important perspective being that you didn’t need to be “good” at anything to get there.

You don’t have to be an athlete to spend time outdoors. You just have to be a human who appreciates the world and wants to see more of it.

So yes, I think it’s important to spend time outdoors. It’s a natural remedy that offers a workout, lifts our spirits and helps us sleep better at night. It gives us the opportunity to disconnect from our constantly-connected world and take some time to be with ourselves and others. And it can come with beautiful views and show us parts of the worlds we might otherwise never see. But that’s not why spending time outdoors matters to me.

I love the outdoors because it’s the one place where I can truly be myself. My beautiful, messy, happy, sad, sober, uncoordinated and hilarious self.

PS – This #atwildwoman image has been licensed from Amanda Sandlin. She also created my beautiful logo! To see more of her work, check out her shop and follow her on Instagram.

It’s not hard to find posts/entire websites that can help you launch a blog; and launch a blog that gets a lot of attention and success early on; and then use that success to turn it into a blog that not only helps people see you as an expert but also makes you a lot of money. I can’t write a blog post like that. Some of my friends can! I have friends who are really smart and know everything it takes to build a successful blog with a huge mailing list that proves you are an expert and can make you a lot of money. But I can’t.

Instead, I can write a blog post that tells you I launched an anonymous blog on October 1, 2010 to document my debt repayment journey. I can tell you I deleted the first version of that blog in early 2011, then restarted it when I was completely maxed out. I can tell you I connected with a few people and companies I loved on Twitter, and ultimately got my first two freelance writing jobs from doing so. I can tell you I wrote my blog anonymously for close to two years before I grew tired of lying to my family and friends about my “double life”. And I can tell you that, shortly after that, I got a full-time job offer from a company in Toronto.

Of course, a lot has changed since then. I moved to Toronto in 2012, then moved back to BC in 2013 and continued to work remotely for that same company. I built more relationships and got more freelance writing work, and then I quit my job in 2015 and have been self-employed ever since. Working for myself was never part of the plan. I always thought I was going to climb a corporate ladder, then maybe jump off one ladder and onto another. I never thought I would be my own boss, and I especially never thought that this blog would make being my own boss a possibility. It wasn’t part of the plan.

For the past seven years, I’ve shared all of this + the ups and downs of my life here with you. I didn’t start this blog to get attention from the press or reach any level of success, or to grow a huge audience or make a lot of money. I started it to document my debt repayment journey. The success that has come from it has been a result of consistent writing, plus a lot of careful considerations, and the intentional decision to forego all the usual advice and do things my way. It’s also a result of putting people (YOU) over profit. It’s been slow and steady, but I’ve stuck to my gut and built something that feels GOOD.

That’s the best blogging advice I can give: do what feels good.
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But for those of you who have asked for more of a step-by-step solution for growing a blog, here is the list of rules I’ve created for myself.

1. Reply to Comments

Those of you who have been reading (and commenting) for a while know this to be true. It’s the first blogging rule I made for myself: if someone takes the time to comment, I will take the time to reply. It’s not only a sign of respect, it also helps us have actual conversations (vs. one-sided responses) and has, in turn, created a real community here. As the years have gone on, I’ve changed it slightly so I usually only reply to comments that come in within the first 2-3 days of a post going live. But this same rule applies to email, too. Depending on how flooded my inbox gets, it might take a couple days or even a couple weeks to reply to them all (and it took even longer after the girls died). But I read everything and I do reply.

1b. To go along with the first rule, I’ve also always monitored comments and sent trolls to spam. It’s fine if someone has a different opinion from me or disagrees with something I say, and I’ll publish anything that’s constructive, or challenges me to think or even change my mind. But I won’t let trolls come in and dominate the conversation, and I especially won’t let people be mean to other people. If you don’t like me, save yourself the energy and just don’t read what I write, because I won’t publish your comment. This is a safe space for people to open up and have conversations, and I won’t let anyone come in and take that from us.

1c. I’ve also always been the one who responds to comments and emails personally. I know bloggers and business owners who hire virtual assistants to do this work, but that has always felt disingenuous to me and is something I can’t do. People write to you because they want you to read their words and they think you will be the one who replies. Even if it means there is a delay, it has to come from me.

2. Support Other Bloggers

A couple weeks ago, Stephanie asked if I could recommend ways for writers to “get their blogs out there”. My first response to this question is always the same: support other bloggers. And don’t just visit their sites and write short comments like “this was a great post” or “I do the same thing”. Write a comment because you care about this blogger and you want to see them succeed. Write a comment because you read someone else’s comment and you want to help them succeed. Write a comment because you want to be part of a community. And then share the post with everyone who follows you online, because you want to help this person’s message be heard.

When I first started blogging, I engaged with a lot of bloggers who were also documenting their own debt repayment stories. We cheered each other on, celebrated our successes, and helped each other with any challenges we had. It was not a strategy to get more readers or rack up pageviews. We were a community within the personal finance community, and I don’t know what they thought of me but I needed them. No one in my real life knew what my financial situation was, except for my blogging friends. I was more honest with them than I was with my own family. So, I always treated them like friends because that’s exactly what they were (and are).

When I finished paying off my debt, I gave a huge amount of credit to my fellow bloggers because I truly felt that I couldn’t have done it so quickly without their support—and I’ve always wanted to give that same support back to others. For years, that support took shape in the form of comments I would leave on people’s posts. I would comment because I read a post and thought OMG I NEEDED TO READ THIS and it felt really good to connect with like-minded people. And I would comment to thank someone for sharing their story, or for being honest and vulnerable, or for writing something that made me feel a little less alone in this world.

Again, as the years have gone on, I’ve had less time to comment on posts but I’ve found other ways to support bloggers. For starters, I help curate all the personal finance content you read on Rockstar Finance, which means I skim hundreds of blog posts each week and share my favourites with Jay. I used to share a lot of posts on Twitter, but now I compile a list of the ones I love and put them into my newsletter. And when something really touches me, I email the blogger personally. So no, I don’t comment as much anymore, but I still find ways to say OMG I NEEDED TO READ THIS and THANK YOU and then share it with my readers.

3. Write What Feels Natural (Not What Will “Perform” Well)

One thing I see over and over again in emails from people who are considering starting blogs is that they get overwhelmed by all the steps it will take to build something “the right way”. They think they need to have the perfect name and the perfect look and a bunch of perfect blog posts, before they can go live. Trust me when I say that it doesn’t need to be perfect. For over a year, the majority of my posts were just weekly spending reports!

On top of feeling like things need to be perfect, there are also a lot of formulas out there for what could make a blog post rank high in Google or get more shares or even go viral. Here’s the only personal lesson I can share about that. Whenever I have tried to write a post that was more formulaic, I hated the process and hated what I was writing and usually deleted it. Whenever I write something that’s on my mind, the writing flows naturally and it gets a great response. These posts are honest and personal, and typically only take a couple hours to write. The result: they get more comments and emails, and support from friends around the world. Who the heck cares about ranking high in Google? I could never ask for more than that. <3

Oh, and my advice for anyone who is thinking of starting a blog: write a handful of blog posts first. Write them on your computer or in a Google doc or by hand or whatever you like. Just write the first few posts that come to mind and see if you actually enjoy the process. At the end of the day, if you want to maintain a blog, you just have to enjoy writing stuff and putting it out into the world. If you like those first few posts, come up with some ideas for your next ones and then start getting the technical stuff setup. But always start with the writing. Everything else will come together, after that.

4. Don’t Worry About the Numbers

There are a lot of numbers you could consider, as a blogger: your pageviews, your unique visitors, the number of comments you get on posts, the number of times your posts get shared, the number of people on your mailing list, all the followers you have on social media, and so on. And there are a lot of ways you can boost each of those numbers. But, to go along with the idea that you don’t need to force yourself to write content that will “perform” well, you also don’t need to do other things strictly so it will boost your numbers. You can, if you want to. But you don’t need to—and here’s why I don’t.

I didn’t start my blog with the intention that I would ever make money from it. And, unless you’re trying to make a lot of money from ads or affiliate links on your site, these numbers are just a vanity metric. Nobody cares if you have 1,000 followers on Twitter or 10,000, except for you. It doesn’t mean anything. And for that reason, I won’t play games online that do things to dramatically increase the number of readers or followers I have. Continuing with the example of Twitter and even Instagram, some bloggers follow tons of accounts in the hopes that many of those accounts will follow them back. I’m not kidding. This is a thing. It is a vanity metric, and it is also a false way of determining someone’s potential “reach”. (That’s a note to companies who pay “influencers”.)

Instead of worrying about increasing your numbers, focus on engaging with the readers and followers you have right now. This goes back to my first rule: reply to comments and emails. Also reply to people on social media. There are people right here and now who are interested in what you are saying. Say hi to them! Answer their questions. Help them in any way you can. They are human beings, not numbers. And if you become focused on getting the next 100 or 1,000 or 10,000 followers, you will look past the ones you already have—and those are the ones who matter most. So don’t worry about the numbers, and instead put your energy into fostering relationships with the people who are here and now.

For bloggers who are curious how this rule affects your numbers, I opened up my Google Analytics, mailing list, social media accounts, etc. and looked at how it affects mine. As far as blog traffic goes, I’m on track to have the same number of pageviews I’ve had for the past two years (so now three years in a row). I finished 2016 with about 20,000 followers across Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and currently have about 25,000 (+5,000 in 9.5 months). And I went from having 6,300 people on my mailing list at the end of 2016 to 9,600 right now (+3,300 in 9.5 months). With so many people out there writing about how you can grow a blog quickly, these aren’t exactly numbers to write home about.

You know what two numbers I find interesting, though? My bounce rate was just 7.09% in 2016, and the open rate on my mailing list is 50.92% so far in 2017. People are engaged. And the community we’ve built together here means more than any number could.

5. Put People Over Profit*

I’m adding an asterisk to this point because I need to start by saying that this all depends on the reason you are launching your blog in the first place. If your goal is to make money, great! You probably don’t need to read this point. But if money isn’t your goal, that’s ok too. That also doesn’t mean you’ll never make a dime from your blog; it just gives you more control over how you want to earn that money one day. Here’s my story.

At some point, every blogger starts receiving emails from random companies all over the world who ask if you accept sponsored content (they will pay you to write a post about their product) or paid links (they will pay you to add links to random words in old blog posts). There is a lot of money to be made in this world. I have friends who make anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000/month in sponsored content alone. Add banner ads or sidebar ads to that and they are laughing—at me. I say “at me” because I have turned every single one of these offers down and earned exactly $0 from advertising on my blog. In fact, I even have a line on my contact form that tells people I don’t reply to these offers. I delete the emails.

There are so many reasons I don’t advertise on my blog, and they all come back to putting myself in the shoes of a reader. I hate going to sites and being bombarded with ads, so I don’t want anyone to have that experience when visiting mine. That’s also the same reason I’ve never added (and will never add) a pop-up to my site. Seeing those on other sites almost always makes me click “X” in my browser and then never visit them again. I don’t care about having a bigger mailing list. I care about my readers and the experience they have on my site—the experience that helps us build and foster a community. And let’s also remember that I am in the space of telling people to STOP BUYING THINGS THEY DON’T NEED. Can you imagine if I placed a banner ad at the top of that message?

At the end of the day, I won’t advertise on my blog because it just doesn’t feel good to me. I know this rule has probably cost me tens of thousands of dollars. My old boss once told me I could earn a minimum of $3,000/month from banner ads alone based on my traffic. But I don’t care and I won’t change my stance on this. It doesn’t feel good to me, and I’ve always told myself I could earn extra money in other ways—ways that do feel good to me. For years, that took shape in the form of freelance writing and even a few public speaking events. Yes, that means I actually had to work for the money (vs. earn passive income from my blog) but those opportunities came from having my blog and they felt good. Looking back, I can see they also helped me get my name out there in ways that posting sponsored content never could.

That’s not to say I’ve never made money from my blog. Going back to the first paragraph in this point, it just gave me more control over how I wanted to earn the money. In 2015, I decided the one way I would be comfortable making money from my blog would be by creating a useful tool and selling it. Since April 2015, I have profited exactly $26,807.34 from something I made for you: Mindful Budgeting. The print templates that I originally charged $20 for but are now free, and the physical 2016 and 2017 planners. I made those for you, and built a community around it for you, and have earned an average of $893.58/month for doing so (minus the 5% of sales I give to charity). It’s a tool that I know has helped people, and I made it myself vs. had a company pay me to tell you about it. That feels good to me. It’s not a product everyone needs and I’ll likely never earn a full-time income from it, but that’s ok. It feels good to me.

6. Always Be Gracious + Grateful

This last rule is one that is mixed into all the others. The kind way of saying it is: you should always be gracious with people + grateful for the opportunities that come your way. The simple but more brash way of saying it is: don’t be a jerk. One of the most interesting things I have observed as some blogs have grown is that egos grow right alongside them. I will never understand this. Of course, I think we are allowed to be proud of our work, and be proud of the blogs and businesses we’ve built. But at the end of the day, we aren’t saving lives. We are just people—humans who are trying to make it in this world, just like everyone else. And if we aren’t kind to the people around us, why would anyone want to read what we have to say or even work with us?

It starts by being gracious with your readers. If no one read your blog, you wouldn’t be where you are. Then, be grateful for every opportunity that comes your way—even the ones you don’t take. Whenever someone in the media contacts me for an interview, I genuinely still think to myself: really? Me? That’s so cool!!! The same goes for freelance writing and public speaking opportunities. And you can’t even imagine how literally every step of the book publishing process has made me feel. I’m constantly pinching myself asking if this is real life.

This all goes back to the golden rule you’re taught as a kid: treat others how you want to be treated. I don’t think the world owes me anything. And I don’t do things because I’m looking for something in return. In fact, I think blogging with zero expectations of what kind of response you’ll get from others is what helps you stay humble and so appreciative of whatever does come your way. As for me, I’m just over here documenting my life and all the experiments I’ve done in the past seven years, and feeling extremely grateful for everyone who has been interested enough to read, say hi and share it with others.

Before I wrap up this post, I want to add that I didn’t write this list of rules before I started my blog. It is something that has slowly developed over time, as every new interaction, opportunity and period of growth has occurred. And it took this shape because I always had my readers in mind. Some of these rules were made only after playing around with certain things the “experts” say we should do and quickly realizing it didn’t feel good to me. So yes, I have experimented with their ideas, and I think it’s perfectly ok for people to follow all of the advice and/or do things in whatever way feels good to them. It just doesn’t feel good to me.

I always knew there had to be another way, and there is—it’s called “your way” and you make all the rules. Mine will result in slower growth and will probably make you less money. But it puts people first and helps you stay humble and grateful for whatever comes from it. And in my experience, looking back now, I know that some really amazing things can come from it.

Do you have any other questions about blogging that I didn’t answer here? I’m happy to answer them (or share links to sites that can)!

My first trip to New York City was a blur. It was December 2012 and I had recently decided to give up on the idea that sobriety was right for me. Sobriety was not right for me. I wanted to drink. We spent our nights bar hopping and, I, getting blackout drunk, and we spent our days rushing all over the city with a hangover. Repeat, repeat, repeat, for three days. We saw a lot of sights (you can see the pictures: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3 Part 1 and Part 2) and did a lot of drinking. But without those pictures and the few drunk moments that still make me feel icky, I would tell you the one memory that stands out the most from that trip is how much my feet hurt.

It might seem like I travel a lot, but the truth is I feel like a bit of a late bloomer. While many of my friends went to Europe and Southeast Asia after high school and college, I didn’t go anywhere except for a trip to Vegas in my mid-20s and that trip to NYC when I was 27. I suppose there was also one trip to Toronto in my mid-20s, and partway through we took the train to Montreal and then visited friends at the Royal Military College in Kingston. But again, I was blackout drunk for most of that trip. (I don’t even remember what RMC looked like.) And again, one of the memories that stands out from all of those trips is how much my feet hurt.

I used to do the same thing Holly did in many of her early trips: tried to see as much as I could. The first trip to NYC is a perfect example. I listed all of the things I wanted to do and see, figured out which neighbourhoods they were in, and then mapped out our days in a way that we might actually be able to cross most things off the list. And we did! The pictures prove we did and saw all of the things. But the pictures don’t show how much my feet hurt at night, how I had to soak them in hot water before going to bed, and how much I cringed at the thought of having to put my shoes back on the next day. I didn’t want to walk another step.

That wasn’t what I wanted to remember from my trips. I wanted to remember the conversations we shared over coffee and meals; the taste of those coffee and meals; and the names of the cafes and restaurants I loved so much that I would hope to visit again. I wanted to remember how good it felt to get to know a city so well in just a few days that I could find my way around without directions; and how cool it felt to be able to give someone else directions, when they asked. I wanted to remember what the sky looked like when the sun went down over each landscape. I wanted to remember being there—really being there.

Fortunately, it only took a few trips for me to learn this lesson—and to learn how nice it could be to travel at a slower pace. I have the memories of my sore feet to thank for that, but I can also thank my blogging friends. It wasn’t until I started travelling to their hometowns to visit them that I realized I didn’t have to rush around to see everything each city had to offer. All I wanted to do was spend time with them. That’s why I was there. And whenever I travel somewhere now, I ask myself that same question: why am I going here? The answer helps me set an intention for the trip, rather than make a strict plan.

When I used to make travel plans, I felt busy and anxious. I also never felt like I got enough time anywhere I went—probably because I didn’t. I was so focused on getting from Point A to Point B that I didn’t soak in the journey it took to get there. I couldn’t remember the streets I had walked or neighbourhoods I was in, and I definitely didn’t remember the conversations we had. I just knew I had a couple hours to spend in every point I’d marked on the map, so I squeezed in as much as I could at each stop and then moved onto the next one. This always ended with me going home (to my hotel or a friend’s place) feeling like I’d run a marathon. (And did I mention the sore feet?)

The first time I decided to set an intention vs. make any formal plans for a trip was when I went to Denver in October 2014. My intention was to finally meet my internet BFF Clare, and to soak up any time I could spend with her. You’ll read a bit more about that in the book, but that was my only goal for the trip—which made everything else that happened feel like huge bonuses. Would I like to go to Red Rocks with another friend? Yes! Go on a spontaneous hike? Yes, please! Have lunch in a part of the city I’d never thought of going to? Yes, again! Because I didn’t have a calendar full of events, I was able to say yes to whatever came my way, and it felt good.

Not only did it feel good to be spontaneous, it feel good to let go of any expectations I had about what that trip might look like. And if I were to give anyone travel advice now, it would always be that: don’t expect anything. Just be open and be happy with whatever happens. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan ANYTHING. I actually love the questions Holly included at the bottom of her post, and think of many of those myself. There’s usually 1-2 attractions I’d like to see, some friends I want to spend time with, etc. So I make sure I do those things. But I also leave a lot of room open in my calendar, so I’m not rushing from one to the other.

The result is always a trip I actually remember every detail of. I remember the conversations we shared over coffee and meals; the taste of those coffee and meals; and the names of the cafes and restaurants I loved so much that I hope to visit again. I remember how good it felt to get to know a city so well in just a few days that I could find my way around without directions; and how cool it felt to be able to give someone else directions, when they asked. I remember what the sky looked like when the sun went down over the landscape. I remember being there—really being there.

And that’s true of every trip I’ve been on since October 2014. I set an intention, leave my calendar fairly open, and am open to every opportunity that comes my way. And I come home remembering every detail and feeling totally content with how it went. Nothing is a blur. In fact, I can probably describe how I experienced a city through all five senses: what it looked like, how it smelled, what the food/drinks tasted like, what the sounds were and how it felt to be there. I might not “do it all” or “see everything” but that’s ok. I remember what I did do. Nothing is a blur. And the bonus: my feet never hurt.

The reason I’m sharing this story now is because I am in the middle of a month full of travel—and even though I’m moving at somewhat of a quick pace (four cities in one month), I’m trying to take it slow, set an intention for each trip and enjoy my time in each place. Here’s what it looks like:

Experiment #9: Slow Travel

• spend a week in NYC (Nov 3-10)
• spend a week in Toronto (Nov 11-18)
• spend a week at home (Nov 1-2, 19-23)
• spend a week or so in Victoria (Nov 24-Dec 3?)
• enjoy downtime in every city :)

I’m happy to report there was a lot of downtime in NYC. I didn’t see many sights, other than what anyone sees when they walk around the East Village and Midtown and Central Park. But I went to one play (Tiny Beautiful Things – if you’re in NYC, please check it out). I also spent quality time with my friend Shannon, shared a few delicious coffees and meals with friends, and even met up with a friend from Vancouver who also happened to be there at the same time. And I narrated my audiobook. (!!!) That’s why I was there, and it was an incredible experience I’m so grateful to have had. Everything else was a bonus.

Looking ahead to next year, people keep asking why I want to go to the UK and what I plan on doing when I get there. Truthfully, I have no plans. I just want to go. I want to book a one-way ticket and have enough money that I can afford to stay for as many weeks or months as I want to. I just want to go. That is the intention. And by going with no expectations or plans, there is no real chance of being disappointed. Everything will be a bonus. :)

Hi friends! It’s been almost a full year since I stopped blogging. In that time, I’ve thought a lot about what I want to do with the archives—and, ultimately (after asking myself what 34-year-old Cait wants), I’ve decided to delete them.

Last week, I went through 350+ posts, copied the content, and started hitting delete. (Fun fact: I published more than 260,000 words on this blog! And wrote tens of thousands more that I never shared. It’s safe to say I found my voice here.) Throughout the process, I noticed there were a few I wasn’t ready to let go of: the posts that were the most enjoyable to write, or the most honest to share, or that show who I am today. In old school-Rockstar Finance style, I picked out my favourite quote from each one and will leave them here for now. Enjoy <3

First, Let’s Talk About Money

Choose Your Own Financial Adventure – “Whatever you do, don’t do nothing. Be an active participant in your life—financial or otherwise—and choose the adventure you’d want to write home about.”

You Weren’t Born to Pay Off Debt and Die – “You might get 85 years on this planet. Don’t spend 65 paying off a lifestyle you can’t afford.”

On Being a Mindful Consumer

What Consumes Your Mind Controls Your Life (and Finances) – “The social media accounts you follow can take a serious toll on your finances.”

What It’s Like to Shop After Not Shopping for Two Years – “If I could sum up what the shopping ban did for my actual shopping habits, I would say that’s it: it taught me how to take the emotion out of it, so shopping is strictly a transaction now (as it should be).”

The Personal Stuff

I Got Sober at 27 (and I Didn’t Quit to Save Money) – “My Internet BFF Clare said it best: Not drinking is serious business. … But I can confidently say that I know I’ll be sober forever—because I need to be, in order to live my happiest, healthiest life.”

The Best Gift My Emergency Fund Has Ever Given Me – “My emergency fund gave me the best gift of all: the ability to invest in my mental health. It gave me the freedom to scale back on work. It gave me more time and energy to focus on myself. And it put my life back into my own hands.”

Why Spending Time Outdoors Matters to Me – “I love the outdoors because it’s the one place where I can truly be myself. My beautiful, messy, happy, sad, sober, uncoordinated and hilarious self.” (Featuring an #atwildwoman by my friend Amanda!)

What My Dogs Taught Me About Slow Living – “While I’ve been trying to figure out what slow living looks like, the girls have been exemplifying it their whole lives. And while they have needed me this month, Molly and Lexie have taught me lessons I will carry with me for a lifetime.”

And Finally, the Work :)

How I Slowly Grew My Blog My Own Way – “I always knew there had to be another way, and there is—it’s called “your way” and you make all the rules. Mine will result in slower growth and will probably make you less money. But it puts people first and helps you stay humble and grateful for whatever comes from it. And in my experience, looking back now, I know that some really amazing things can come from it.”

Why I’m Retiring from Personal Blogging – “I don’t want to be an expert. I just want to be a human.”

The post My Top 10 Favourite Posts first appeared on Cait Flanders.

Hi friends! I’m going to keep this short, because I can only imagine you’re feeling maxed out on content consumption right now. A few people have asked if I still have the old Mindful Budgeting print templates that I used to sell here, and the answer is yes! If you’re looking for a tool that can help you take control (or at least take stock) of your finances right now, in this time of uncertainty, I’ve uploaded the files so you can download them for free. Here are the two links:

• Download the print templates
• Download the instructions for how to use them

Some of my personal story is outdated (for example: no longer working full-time for a company, as I am now self-employed) but that’s not the content that matters. If you want, skip ahead to page 9 of the program PDF to learn how to use the templates. There are weekly spending sheets, a monthly budget, a monthly calendar to stay organized, and two exercises to help you do monthly check-ins to see how you’re feeling + quarterly check-ins to ensure your spending aligns with values.

UPDATE 3/23: After receiving a number of emails asking about the physical Mindful Budgeting Planners, I have decided to re-upload everything to the print shop—and sell them at cost. That means I’m not profiting from the sale. The price you pay is what it costs the company to print + ship them to you.

I hope this is helpful and feels supportive right now. Love you, thinking of you, and sending so much strength!

Be kind and be safe,

xx Cait

The post Free Mindful Budgeting Templates (+ Update on Planners) first appeared on Cait Flanders.

Hi friends :)

A few months ago, I received a couple messages asking why I wasn’t promoting my new book more. The most honest thing I can say: I was scared to promote something that wasn’t done yet. Some of you had found it online, but the book itself wasn’t done going through its rounds of copyediting, proofing, etc. And at every stage of this process, I thought, “I won’t believe it until I see it.” Now, I see it. It’s a real thing that will be in our hands in just TWO months! Today, I am finally ready to introduce you to: ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT.

Amazon (US) | Barnes and Noble | iBooks | IndieBound

Amazon (CA) | Indigo | Powell’s | Book Depository

I first came up with the idea for this book while hiking the mountain in my backyard. It was one of those hikes where every step up was more of a mental challenge than a physical one; where I had to talk myself into carrying on, rather than giving up and turning around before reaching the summit. It wasn’t just a voice inside my head. I was saying the words out loud. “Keep going, Cait. You’ll be glad you did.” And then I thought, I bet people don’t know that this is what most hikes feel like for me.

Despite what you might think when you look at my Instagram account, I am not a confident hiker. I don’t always trust that my body is capable of doing what I want it to. And for most of my life, I was afraid of taking a wrong step, and risking slipping or falling down. It’s not that I was afraid of hurting myself. I was afraid of failing. And I was especially afraid of daring to stand out, and letting anyone see me take a risk and fail.

That same fear is one that has crept in, every single time I’ve thought about changing paths in life. Before doing something big, like quitting drinking or giving up my home to travel. But also before making some of the seemingly smaller lifestyle changes, like becoming a vegetarian or doing that shopping ban we’ve talked about a few times before. ;)

When you decide to step off the path you’re on and go down a different one, it’s scary. It’s especially scary when you don’t have anyone in your life who has made the same choice as you. Who has somehow quieted the messaging they’ve received since they were a child. Who has walked away from what is expected of them or what they think they should do. Who has actively chosen to brush up against the situations you will face when you decide to hike your own hike in life, so to speak. And who can tell you if it will “work” or not.

What I have noticed in the months and years since publishing my first book is that this is a conversation that’s missing from the minimalism/intentional/simple living space—and really most of the self-help books I see and read. We are so quick to share overly simplified statements about how “letting go” or following a few steps will magically make everything better. But in that process, we send you off with no warning of the kinds of tougher situations you might find yourself in when you’re out there on your own, or how to work through them.

That’s why I wrote this book. We need to have more conversations about what really happens when you decide to do something different than everyone around you.

I’ve gone through this process a few times, as you know. But it wasn’t until I quit drinking that I started hiking more regularly. Using my two feet (and occasionally my hands for help) to walk off the main roads and out into nature. And what I have come to learn over the years is that there is an incredible parallel between taking a different path in life and the psychological work it takes to summit a mountain—especially when you decide to go solo. What’s often missing from the beautiful images, and the conversation about both opting out and hiking, is the truth about how hard it is.

To opt out is to step off the path you’re on and start doing what feels right for you. To do it, you have to embrace the fact that it will be an adventure, filled with risks and uncertainty, but also rewards and lessons that could potentially change your life in ways you have never imagined. It will be hard. You might make mistakes. You could even lose friends along the way. This is not an easy journey to go on. Personally, the only reason I keep lacing up and doing both is because I know I will never regret trying. You won’t just be rewarded with a view. You will return feeling a little bit more like yourself.

ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT isn’t another memoir or a self-help book filled with steps that take you down one particular path. It’s a field guide filled with stories (mine + stories shared by some of my friends) about how to lead an intentional life. I wanted it to feel like a conversation between two people: you and me. And while it’s not a traditional choose-your-own-adventure book, it will help you choose your own adventure. I hope this book leaves you more equipped for your own journey and that you pick it up whenever you feel alone out there. :)

HOW PRE-ORDERS HELP AUTHORS

This book only exists because a handful of people could envision what I wanted to create. In a way, its undertaking was an opt-out of its own. I proposed to write a book in a style I hadn’t seen before and couldn’t provide any clear examples of what to compare it to. Few people understood the idea, let alone trusted that it would sell. But Little, Brown Spark could see the path I was already on, and offered to help me carve out the next section of it. That’s how we got here, and I am so grateful.

When my editor sent back notes on the first draft of this book, she said: “It was such a pleasure to read and edit ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT. It’s meditative and thoughtful, yet also lively and engaging. I love that you try to meet readers wherever they are in their opting out journey and also don’t sugarcoat the rough spots they are likely to encounter.” My friend Alanna witnessed me reading this email for the first time, with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. This is exactly what I wanted to create for us.

ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT will be released in North America* on September 15th. Yes, THIS YEAR! And in this pandemic. Which has been about as confusing to navigate, as you can imagine!

If you’re as excited about it as I am, I hope you’ll consider pre-ordering a copy of ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT. Pre-orders help bookstores decide whether or not to carry your book, and help publishers calculate how many copies to print. It’s also a vote with your dollars, and a way to signal that you believe in an author—which helps them write more books in the future. There’s no “one right way” to pre-order. Through your local bookstores, online retailers, etc. It all counts. Here a few links that might be helpful:

Amazon (US) | Barnes and Noble | iBooks | IndieBound

Amazon (CA) | Indigo | Powell’s | Book Depository

*Note: We are still waiting to hear from publishers in the UK and Australia, so I will send you more information + release dates as soon as I have it!

That’s all for now, friend. Thank you for being so patient while I worked on this. That is one of my favourite qualities in a friendship: trusting that you might spend some time apart, but you will always come back to each other when the time is right.

Please let me know if you have any questions! I can’t wait to chat more soon. Until then—

Be kind and be safe,

xx Cait

PS – My new book cover was created by the talented Amanda Sandlin! If you love her work, you might also love following her on Instagram. I know I do. <3

We are just TWO WEEKS OUT from the North American release of my new book, ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT! Last week, my publisher (Little, Brown Spark) sent me a few boxes of free copies, so I’ve spent the last few days packaging and sending them to friends across Canada and the US. Now that I’ve held it in my hand, it finally feels real! September 15th will be here before we know it.

While we’re all waiting for the official release, I thought it might be fun to share a bit more about the book with you. So I reached out to my good friend Shannon McNay and asked if she would help me with an idea. Shannon is the first and only friend who has read this book so far. Not only has she read it, Shannon actually helped me edit the first draft last year. She is an incredibly thoughtful writer and editor who understood the idea better than anyone, and helped me execute it in a way I couldn’t have done on my own. You could say, she was my adventure partner in this writing project. So I knew she was also the best first person to interview me about it. Thankfully, she agreed.

Below, you will find a Q&A between us. It’s a little long, so you might want to make a cup of coffee/tea and settle in for this. (And a quick note to journalists and podcasters: if you want to read a copy + do an interview about the book, send me a note at caitflanders at gmail dot com.)

Shannon: This book has been a long time coming, and I for one can’t wait to see it on shelves! One thing I think people will be curious about off the bat is how much of your story will be in it. We’ve gotten to know you well through your blog and your first book, The Year of Less. How much of your story can we expect in Adventures in Opting Out?

Cait: That’s a great question to start with, because it feels important to set expectations before readers pick it up. This book is personal, but on a different level than TYOL was. TYOL included a lot of background stories, as well as some of the emotional struggles I dealt with in the early years of my sobriety. AIOO was naturally going to be different, because you can’t write the same book twice! So it takes what you know about me, and shows you where I’m at today and how I’m showing up in this world. (My editor also said you don’t need to read my first book, in order to enjoy this one, which is great!) It includes personal stories, but my favourite thing about AIOO is that it includes other people’s stories too. It is also filled with the observations we’ve all made on our journeys, and the insights/guidance that might help you gather the courage to stop doing something that’s no longer serving you and start living life on your own terms.

What inspired you to write your next book in this format?

So by format, you mean the five-part structure where I walk you through the emotional + practical work it can take to change paths in life, and compare it to the five sections you might experience on a difficult hike. The answer to that is actually pretty simple. I was out for a solo hike and noticed how many times I was having to talk myself out of quitting before I reached the summit. I could finally hear the one voice that said, “nobody would even know, you have nothing to prove,” and then the second voice that replied, “just keep going, you’ll be glad you did.” After going back and forth a handful of times, it dawned on me that most people probably wouldn’t believe this is what hiking feels like for me. You might look at my Instagram and think I skip up every mountain I stand in front of. But more often than not, it takes a lot of encouragement for me, both to get started and to keep going. The more I paid attention to my hikes after, the clearer the analogy became.

How did you come up with ideas on who to interview? Did your interviewees have something in common you were looking for?

I interviewed a mix of long-time friends, new friends, and people whose work I love and/or whose lifestyle intrigued me. There were also some big asks! People I had never spoken with before, but who I really wanted to include in the book. The main reason I reached out to each person was because they had proven (either in previous conversations or online) that they weren’t afraid to show/talk about how difficult it can be to live differently from how they were raised/how their family or friends live. This book isn’t for the people who have endless enthusiasm and confidence that they can do whatever is right for them. It’s for the people who are afraid to enter the unknown, and who have questions and concerns about what’s ahead for them. I wanted to write something that felt like a guidebook, which you could open up and turn to whenever you needed a little support in your own journey. By sharing their experiences, that’s what the interviewees helped me create.

Did any themes/trends emerge as you did your interviews?

There were a few, for sure. If I had to break them down, I would say:

1. People felt like they had no one to talk about the new way they chose to live, at first, because they didn’t know anyone personally who had made the same choice(s).
2. Feeling misunderstood was a common thread. Feeling like most people didn’t understand what they were doing, and/or that they constantly felt like they had to explain themselves.
3. And a handful of people described themselves as the “black sheep” of their family/friend groups. While some said this was a new feeling, others said this had always been their experience—feeling like the odd one out. They were just finally being open and honest about how/why they were different.

As our conversations continued, people said they eventually built friendships and relationships that were more meaningful. They described finding and/or creating new communities of like-minded people, and a deeper sense of belonging came after they started showing up as themselves. But it didn’t matter what people were opting out of—from going vegetarian/vegan to choosing a clean and sober life, moving to a new city or traveling full-time, changing careers or taking a sabbatical, quitting social media, deciding to be child-free, getting a divorce or having a non-traditional relationship—these were the themes that came up with almost everyone I talked to.

You’ve shared that hiking + an adventurous mindset doesn’t come naturally to you. And yet, anyone who follows you on Instagram can see that you love spending time outside. Can you tell us a little about what the outdoors means to you?

I could probably write a book about that. Or maybe I just did, haha. But to sum up my thoughts, one of the reasons I love spending time outdoors is because you can be your full self out there. Nature doesn’t care where you came from or what you do or what your goals are. It doesn’t care how much money you earn or how you earn it or what you spend it on. It doesn’t demand you to fit into a box or mold yourself to one identity. You can just walk among the plants/trees or next to a body of water and be yourself. No explanations required.

I love hearing about your adventures and seeing the pictures you post on Instagram, but my idea of adventure doesn’t go far beyond exploring new coffee shops and bookstores. Would you say this book would be useful for people like me, who love the idea of adventure but prefer a warm and cozy bed at the end of the day?

Well my humorous side wants to joke and say: that’s probably what adventure looks like for many of us right now! Who knew that getting to go to a coffee shop or bookstore would be such a challenge, and ultimately feel like such a luxury? (I didn’t even think bookstores would be able to figure out a way to re-open during the pandemic, so cheers to that!) But in all seriousness, I put the word “adventure” in the title as more of an offering: the suggestion that, in order to change paths and live a more intentional life, you might need to embrace an adventurous mindset. We can all learn how to do that. It’s something I think I will be practicing (not perfecting) for the rest of my life.

For those of us who nerd out on writing, can you tell us about what the publishing process was like from the time you pitched the book until now?

How much time do we have!?! The first thing I will say is that none of this would be happening if TYOL hadn’t sold well. A couple weeks ago, my UK publisher told me TYOL has sold over 190,000 copies across physical/digital/audio—so the fact that I got to write a second book at all is actually thanks to everyone who bought my first one. It feels really important to acknowledge that, because it could have gone differently. I am so grateful to everyone who has supported me, so far.

A few months after TYOL came out, I went on that solo hike and started to see a vision of what AIOO could look like. You might actually remember that we were sitting at a coffee shop in NYC, when I drew a messy squiggle line, pointed to different parts of it and told you what happens at each stage of the opt-out journey! I shared that idea with a few more friends who all seemed keen on it, or who nodded along in agreement and shared their experiences with me. After planting enough seeds, I told my agent and we agreed the idea was worthy of a full book proposal.

Non-fiction book proposals are a huge undertaking of their own. You essentially write 10-20,000 words explaining what you want to write, why, who will be interested in it, and so on. Some people can draft these quickly, but it took about 3 months for me to finish this one. You edited the first draft of that, too! After my agent and I had gone back and forth on it a few times, she pitched it to a bunch of publishers. Some didn’t understand the idea, which happened with TYOL too. But three made offers, and ultimately I went with the publisher who I felt most understood the idea: Little, Brown Spark.

That was in March 2019. Between then and now, I have honestly had the most supportive publishing experience I could’ve imagined for this book. And something I’m really proud of is that I’ve been more vocal about my vision for it, too. With TYOL, I didn’t feel worthy of a book deal, so I stayed quiet about a few things I would have done differently. But I think because AIOO started as the vision of this messy squiggle line (you will all see it soon, haha), it has always felt like a truly creative undertaking. From hearing my suggestion and hiring Amanda Sandlin to design the cover, to asking for my input on audio and marketing and so on, I have felt supported all throughout this project. I feel extremely fortunate to be working with such an incredible team of people right now. <3

You did have to let go of one idea you had for this book, and I know that was really hard for you. Do you want to talk about the audiobook?

Ooomph, yes, let’s do that. So, it’s safe to say that publishing a book during a pandemic is… less than ideal. For so many reasons. There are a lot of challenges with it. And one problem we had was figuring out how I could record the audiobook. I don’t have a professional studio at home, and it sounds like a lot of studios were closed in the spring for liability reasons. So my BIG publisher (Hachette) made the decision that all audiobooks would have to be recorded by professional narrators, not authors. I think everyone who knows me can imagine how disappointed I was by this decision, at first. I LOVE audio. I studied radio in school, recorded 5 seasons of a podcast with my friend Carrie in the past, and genuinely enjoy all parts of the planning + recording + editing processes. So I cried. I mean, I literally grieved this for a few days. And I’m kind of laughing about it now, because it’s not actually that big of a deal! But it felt big at the time, maybe because it was something I had actually been looking forward to, and so many other things (personal, not book-related) had been taken away because of COVID.

But here’s what happened next: Hachette had a bunch of narrators audition for the audiobook. I listened to them all, and there was one person who literally read it EXACTLY how I would have. And with that, my anxiety was eased. Christine and I got to chat about the book before she recorded it, so I could share my vision, describe how I wanted listeners to feel during each of the five sections, etc. Hachette let me pick some fun music to be played at the beginning and end. And in the end, we have an audiobook that I love—AND there is one more person who helped me bring the whole project to life. A true collaboration. I couldn’t do it myself, but it’s exactly what I would’ve done, if that makes any sense.

What kind of effect did writing this book have on your life?

Oh, I think it’s almost the other way around: what kind of effect did my life have on this book. Because, while it’s true that every creative project changes you in some way, it feels more true that I changed while I was writing it—and that change showed up in these pages. I’ve eluded to this (and am still not ready to discuss it) but I had a traumatic experience while I was finishing the first draft. And you know more than anyone how much it changed me, and how terrified I was to revisit this book as my new self. Now that some time has passed, I can read the final words and see how that situation might have changed me in a good way. It made me a little more tender; a little more clear and confident when it comes to setting boundaries; and somehow, a little more generous with my love. It made me want to hold people’s hands and model how to take good care of yourself. Because you are worth taking care of. And so, the book became a little less researched and a lot more support-filled. I’m very happy with the final product.

I know COVID is drastically changing the way many of us look at our lives, which makes me think this book is more important than ever. How do you think someone can relate what they might learn from this book to the world we’re suddenly and currently living in?

Well, I think it’s important to acknowledge that these first few months of life with COVID have been a different experience for everyone, and have been much more severe for some than others. Actually, my agent and editor will both remember how much anxiety I had at the thought of publishing this book during a pandemic, back in March. But now that some time has passed, you’re right, I think there are also a lot of people whose lives have simply been put on pause, and who are sitting with their thoughts/feelings for the first time (or at least the first time in a long time). And many people who are spending more time at home thinking about what they want to do differently on the other side of this. Right now, I think AIOO could help those people explore the feelings that are coming up for them, and maybe begin to plant some seeds/ideas about what they might do differently later. If you can mentally prepare for what might happen when you decide to change paths, I think you stand a better chance at actually following through with it. If AIOO helps with that, I can only be grateful.

TLDR (too long, didn’t read) Rapid Fire Questions

• What should your readers expect from the book? I hope it feels like you’re having a conversation with a friend, which you can return to anytime you need to.
• Will this book be another memoir? Not really, but also, kind of!? If self-help memoir is a genre, that would be the box I fit closest into, haha.
• How is this different from your previous book? Less background info and personal stories, more insights and practical guidance.
• What if the reader isn’t an “adventure” type? You definitely don’t need to be outdoorsy/adventurous in order to read this book. I can promise you that!
• What does adventure mean to you? Adventure is a mindset. You embrace it by knowing a journey will come with ups and downs, and trusting you’re capable of dealing with them all, in order to get where you want to go.
• What can we expect from your future work? I want to get to the end of my life and say I’ve tried to write a little bit of everything. I don’t know what I’ll try next, but you can expect something different from every piece of work!

There is still time to pre-order the book!

If you’re as excited about AIOO as I am, I hope you’ll consider pre-ordering a copy of it. Pre-orders help bookstores decide whether or not to carry your book, and help publishers calculate how many copies to print and where to send them to. It’s also a vote with your dollars, and a way to signal that you believe in an author—which helps them write more books in the future. There’s no “one right way” to pre-order. Through your local bookstores, online retailers, etc. It all counts. Here a few links that might be helpful, and don’t forget you can now pre-order the audiobook! :D

Amazon (US) | Barnes and Noble | iBooks | IndieBound

Amazon (CA) | Indigo | Powell’s | Book Depository

Thank you for your support, friends!

xx Cait

Hi friends! Most mornings, I take things really slow. I lay in bed for a while. Stretch. Then grab a book, make a coffee, and curl up and read on the couch with Cooey. I love this little ritual. It’s the calmest way I can start my day. And yet, I couldn’t do that today. Because when I opened my eyes, I knew what day it was. September 15th! My second book’s birthday! ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT IS FINALLY HERE!

Amazon (US) | Barnes and Noble | iBooks | IndieBound

Amazon (CA) | Indigo | Powell’s | Book Depository

*NEW* UK OCTOBER 15 Pre-orders: Amazon (UK) | Waterstones

*NEW* AUS DECEMBER 1 Pre-orders: Amazon (Aus) | Booktopia

I’ve already told you all about this book, so I won’t go on about it again. The only thing I want to repeat is that I hope it feels like you’re having a conversation with a friend, which you can return to anytime you need to. And I hope you enjoy meeting a few of my friends along the way!

To celebrate the “birth” of my new book, and any book you read in the future, here are a few ways you can support an author whose work you love:

Buy a copy!

AIOO is available as a hardcover/ebook/audiobook—online/in local bookstores/at all the usual retailers. Asking your local library to order it is incredibly helpful too!

Write a review

After reading it, this is the second-most important thing we can do for the authors we love: because it shows the world that people are actually reading your work! For authors, the best places you can leave your review are on Amazon or Goodreads. (I hangout there!) Reviews are often personal. Whenever I don’t know what to say, I just pull out my favourite quote and share that. <3

Share

If you enjoy the book, I would love to hear about the creative ways you’re sharing it! Not just on social media (though that’s helpful for me, of course!). But where did you read it? Who did you give your copy to after? Who did you have to buy their own copy for, because you weren’t ready to give yours up? Or where will you leave it after, perhaps for a stranger to find and enjoy? :)

Reach out for an interview

If you are a podcaster or journalist, and want a copy to read/review/run excerpts from/do an interview, let me know! I’d love to have a virtual coffee date and chat with you.

A few days ago, I woke up to an email from MJ, a buyer for Powell’s Books in Portland. She said some kind words about the book, then told me she had included it as one of her picks for fall 2020. Here is the generous review she shared in that blog post:

“Cait Flanders follows up The Year of Less with Adventures in Opting Out, a guide to navigating the road less traveled. I always feel better after I read Cait Flanders; there’s something about her mix of practicality and truth-telling that both soothes and inspires me. Interviews with fellow travelers, anecdotes, and sound wisdom make this a fast and inspirational read. 2020 has been filled with all sorts of intentional and unintentional adventures in opting out, and Flanders offers a sturdy and flexible framework to navigate whatever path you are currently on.”

I will leave it there, my friends! Thank you for all of your support!

xx Cait

PS – This beautiful picture was taken by the so very talented Amanda Sandlin. She also designed the cover! <3

It’s 7:09am, and I’m sitting at the dining room table in my dad’s house in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. It’s raining outside, the sound of which is barely making its way into the background, now that we have two dogs snoring in the room across from me. I had no intention of writing in this space, or even writing today at all. And yet, when I sat down with my coffee, the first thing I did was open up my website (old habits die hard) and click on the “Add New” button. And now, here we are. :)

Hi! Hi. Hello. It is genuinely so nice to be here.

Apparently, it’s been 793 days since I wrote my last proper blog post. I’m not sure how you sum up 793 days in a few paragraphs, and so I’m not even going to try. Sitting at the keyboard today, the only thing I want to say right now is that: I’m here. I have capacity in my life and my heart and my nervous system to be here with you right now. This hasn’t been true for all of the last 793 days, but it is true right now and it feels good to be able to share those words.

I don’t have plans for this space. I don’t know how often I’ll write, or what I’ll write about, or what we might have discussions about. On that note, please know you have full permission to read or not read. To comment or not comment. To consume and interact with what I share in whatever way feels good for you. My only hope is that when you show up here, you feel like you are able to do so as your full self. Similar to all the years before, I will always commit to this being a safe space.

I will leave it there for now, friend. Hitting “Publish” while that still feels exciting. :)

Take good care of yourself today, xx

The post Hi, Friend first appeared on Cait Flanders.

Well, that was a nice surprise. I published my first little hello in more than two years, and was greeted with the loveliest responses. When I say that was a surprise, I truly mean it. I’ve thought about writing here many times throughout the pandemic, but one of the stories I was telling myself was that “people don’t read blogs anymore.” While that might be true for some, it is obviously not true for others. How wonderful to be proven wrong. :)

A number of you mentioned my new book in your comments, and so I thought I would give you a mini update on that today. ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT was released 53 days ago in Canada and the US, and just 23 days ago in the UK. And it will finally be available in Australia on December 1! Your response to it has been more meaningful than I could have imagined. The messages we’ve shared via Instagram, in particular, have felt like little exchanges of being seen and held. Reminders that we are not alone on our individual journeys.

It’s also safe to say that releasing a book in 2020 has been… different. The world has changed in countless ways, of course. Within the book world, though, it has meant no events in bookshops, no public speaking, no major events at all. There has also been less media attention (there are so many more important things to be addressing, and smaller media teams/fewer publications doing that work). So it has been a very different launch, compared to my first book, and that has felt okay in some ways (namely: my mental health is in good shape). But the biggest surprise to me personally, as someone who is not very comfortable on stage, is that I have genuinely missed the in-person aspects of a launch. Which essentially boils down to saying that I have missed connecting with you. And while I can’t control much else, I can do something about that. :)

Let’s Call It: Somewhat of a Book Club

Not a serious book club. You don’t need to prepare anything. You don’t even need to have finished reading the book. Imagine something similar in feeling when we used to show up to bookshop events, buy a copy + listen to our favourite authors talk for a little while. Yes, more like that! Then imagine being able to do that in your favourite spot in your home. Where you can wear your comfiest clothes (you won’t be on camera), and sit or curl up wherever you like. That’s what I want. And I want to do it 5 times!

Sundays from November 15—December 13 (5 sessions)
Time: 11am PT / 2pm ET / 7pm GMT (1 hour per session)

Every week, I’ll start by sharing a bit about 1 of the 5 sections of the book. (I’ll plan to go in order, but am always open to seeing where it goes.) And then I would love to spend the second half of our hour together answering your questions. (Actually, that might be one thing you could prepare: a question!)

If you’d like to join us, all you have to do is register here.

While we’ve all gotten more comfortable with Zoom this year, I have always appreciated how simple Crowdcast is—especially as an attendee of a virtual event. You will receive a confirmation email, and then another email reminder 10 minutes before each session. Then all you have to do is relax + watch!

(Note: If for some reason you don’t get any emails, you can simply bookmark + visit that Crowdcast link every Sunday at the start time!)

Our little book club is free for everyone to attend! Of course, anything you can do to support an author is helpful, especially this year. Aside from buying a copy of the book, one of the easiest ways to support any author you love is to review their book(s) on sites like Goodreads or Amazon. If you don’t know what to say, my personal practice is to simply share my favourite quote.

Ok, that’s all for now, friend! If you decide to join us, you will see my face online on November 15th! And before then, perhaps more words here soon. xx

While you’re waiting, you might enjoy reading/listening to some of the press I’ve done recently:

Articles

• Happiful (UK) – Why It’s OK for a Life Change, Even When You’re Happy
• Therapy Directory (UK) – 4 Steps for Living an Intentional Life

Podcasts/Radio

• BBC Radio – Afternoons on BBC Radio Kent (at 1h 9m)
• Becoming Better – To Lead a More Intentional Life, Try Opting Out
• Beyond the Dollar – Financial Risks (and Beyond) When Breaking the Cycle
• Everyday Courage – Opting Out with Cait Flanders
• Friends on FIRE – Adventures in Opting Out
• Grow With Soul (UK) – Aligned Self-Employment and Opting Out
• Informed Choice Radio (UK) – Adventures in Opting Out
• Martinis and Your Money – Adventures in Opting Out
• Optimal Living Daily – An Excerpt from Adventures in Opting Out
• The Simple Self Care Podcast – The Joys of Opting Out

The post A New Way for Us to Connect first appeared on Cait Flanders.

Hi friends!

On Sunday, we had our first of five (5) book club sessions together, and wow, did that hour pass quickly! These meetings of ours are totally casual/informal, but I thought I would share a little breakdown of what we did together, in the event it might inspire you to join us! This week, we:

• talked about the basic idea/structure of ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT
• read the introduction to Section 1—The Base (pages 19-64 in hardcover)
• outlined the three main themes in this section (paying attention, weighing your options, and experimenting/testing out other paths you might go down)
• and then answered questions posed by the group!

And some GREAT questions were asked. Here are a few:

• How do you separate the signs you mentioned that you maybe should make a change from potentially unsubstantiated anxieties about your current situation?
• Have you or others you know ever struggled with not knowing what to “opt in” to once you opt out? For context, I know I would like to leave my job but have no idea what I would want to do next.
• It’s true that we often opt out via a negative catalyst or when things comes to a head. Do you have any processes that you go through to ‘check in’ with where you’re at and perhaps be proactive about when you’re heading down a path that doesn’t suit? Change direction before you’re at a dead-end?
• If you have already chosen the path that includes a husband and children, is it ever too late to opt out? Will it always be a half measure because you have so many other people’s paths to consider?
• I need to opt out of toxic productivity/hustle culture for sure. When you opt out from something which is where you previously found your purpose or meaning, where do you get your self-worth from?
• How do you redefine your notion of success? Traditionally, it revolves around monetary and family success. How do you feel successful without those things, by doing something different?
• If you have tried opting out in the past and it has been an absolute disaster, how do you work up the courage to try again?

Over 400 of you registered for the first session, and joined us from all over the world: Canada, the US, the UK, the Netherlands, Austria, Italy, Malaysia, and countless more countries. It was wild to see. And perhaps the best part was something I couldn’t have predicted: the incredibly open/honest discussions you were having in the chat!

I couldn’t follow along with it all, but by the end it was made clear that everyone wanted to connect further outside of these sessions. There are a few different ways you can do that:

• I’m happy to post a weekly recap like this and we can chat more here!
• I will also post this weekly recap to my Instagram profile and we can chat there!
• If you use Instagram, remember you can follow the #adventuresinoptingout hashtag + also use it on your own posts, to connect with others! I’m happy to share your posts to my stories, so more people can find you that way. :)
• One member, Melanie, also kindly agreed to create a private Facebook group for attendees to keep in touch + connect throughout the week. (A note that I won’t be in the group myself, but your conversations on Sunday proved you really don’t need me there!)

The fun news: it’s not too late to register!

We have four (4) more sessions, on Sundays at 11am PT. Also: if you are registered, you have access to replays of each session from now through to December 31st. If you would like to join us for future sessions, YOU CAN REGISTER HERE. Attendees can watch the replay of the first session + see the discussion that happened alongside of it!

We will discuss Section 2—The Viewpoint on Sunday, November 22nd at 11am PT. See you then, friends!

PS – The picture at the top of this post is from Angela, a bookstagrammer/reviewer based in Arizona. It is so dreamy, and I’m grateful she agreed to let me share it. :)

The post Adventures in Opting Out Book Club: Week 1 first appeared on Cait Flanders.

Yesterday, we had our second of five (5) book club sessions together. A few people mentioned it is quickly becoming their favourite part of the week. Now that we are living with further restrictions here again, where we can’t socialize with anyone outside of our household, I would have to agree. It feels good to be able to gather online and connect over similar topics. This week, we:

• read the introduction to Section 2—The Viewpoint (pages 65-100 in hardcover) in ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT
• outlined the four main themes in this section (starting slow, seeing the signs that you’ve made the right choice, enjoying the early benefits of opting out, and figuring out what will motivate you to keep going)
• shared some of the things we are currently/thinking about opting out of
• shared some of the early signs that we’ve opted out of the right thing
• and then I answered questions posed by the group!

A few of the questions that were asked:

• How can I talk to friends about this without making feel as if they have to justify their choices?
• Do you have common reference points that you use to gauge changes in yourself as your progress on your journey? The subjectiveness of “am I happier?” feels insufficient.
• I’m having trouble enjoying it because I’m afraid of when I’ll inevitably relapse or at least that things will get harder. Did you have that fear when you worked to be healthier/quit drinking, and how did you push through?
• How do you feel about opting out for a shorter time, not forever? For example, opting out of a particular friend or activity for the meantime. For context, my boundaries have become much more delicate and stricter since COVID. What’s the difference between opting out and adding more boundaries?

A reminder that if you are registered but missed it live, you can watch a replay here. You will have access to replays of each session from now through to December 31st. This conversation was much lighter in subject matter, which felt supportive this week—and especially before leading into next week’s topic. We will discuss Section 3—The Valley on Sunday, November 29th at 11am PT. You can still register at this link!

Between now and then, don’t forget that you can connect with other readers here + on social media:

• If you use Instagram, you can follow the #adventuresinoptingout hashtag + also use it on your own posts, to connect with others! I’m happy to share your posts to my stories, so more people can find you that way. :)
• One member, Melanie, also kindly agreed to create a private Facebook group for other readers/adventurers. (A reminder that I won’t be in the group myself, but there are already 50+ people there!)

That’s all for now! See you again next week, friends. :)

PS – The picture at the top of this post is of the UK cover of Adventures in Opting Out. It was taken by author and friend, Laura Jane Williams. A note that if you’re looking for a little modern romance this winter, her latest books (Our Stop + The Love Square) really hit the spot.

The post Adventures in Opting Out Book Club: Week 2 first appeared on Cait Flanders.