Hi friends! It’s been almost a full year since I stopped blogging. In that time, I’ve thought a lot about what I want to do with the archives—and, ultimately (after asking myself what 34-year-old Cait wants), I’ve decided to delete them.
Last week, I went through 350+ posts, copied the content, and started hitting delete. (Fun fact: I published more than 260,000 words on this blog! And wrote tens of thousands more that I never shared. It’s safe to say I found my
Hi friends! It’s been almost a full year since I stopped blogging. In that time, I’ve thought a lot about what I want to do with the archives—and, ultimately (after asking myself what 34-year-old Cait wants), I’ve decided to delete them.
Last week, I went through 350+ posts, copied the content, and started hitting delete. (Fun fact: I published more than 260,000 words on this blog! And wrote tens of thousands more that I never shared. It’s safe to say I found my voice here.) Throughout the process, I noticed there were a few I wasn’t ready to let go of: the posts that were the most enjoyable to write, or the most honest to share, or that show who I am today. In old school-Rockstar Finance style, I picked out my favourite quote from each one and will leave them here for now. Enjoy <3
First, Let’s Talk About Money
Choose Your Own Financial Adventure – “Whatever you do, don’t do nothing. Be an active participant in your life—financial or otherwise—and choose the adventure you’d want to write home about.”
What It’s Like to Shop After Not Shopping for Two Years– “If I could sum up what the shopping ban did for my actual shopping habits, I would say that’s it: it taught me how to take the emotion out of it, so shopping is strictly a transaction now (as it should be).”
The Personal Stuff
I Got Sober at 27 (and I Didn’t Quit to Save Money) – “My Internet BFF Clare said it best: Not drinking is serious business. … But I can confidently say that I know I’ll be sober forever—because I need to be, in order to live my happiest, healthiest life.”
The Best Gift My Emergency Fund Has Ever Given Me – “My emergency fund gave me the best gift of all: the ability to invest in my mental health. It gave me the freedom to scale back on work. It gave me more time and energy to focus on myself. And it put my life back into my own hands.”
Why Spending Time Outdoors Matters to Me – “I love the outdoors because it’s the one place where I can truly be myself. My beautiful, messy, happy, sad, sober, uncoordinated and hilarious self.” (Featuring an #atwildwoman by my friend Amanda!)
What My Dogs Taught Me About Slow Living – “While I’ve been trying to figure out what slow living looks like, the girls have been exemplifying it their whole lives. And while they have needed me this month, Molly and Lexie have taught me lessons I will carry with me for a lifetime.”
And Finally, the Work :)
How I Slowly Grew My Blog My Own Way – “I always knew there had to be another way, and there is—it’s called “your way” and you make all the rules. Mine will result in slower growth and will probably make you less money. But it puts people first and helps you stay humble and grateful for whatever comes from it. And in my experience, looking back now, I know that some really amazing things can come from it.”
Hi friends! I’m going to keep this short, because I can only imagine you’re feeling maxed out on content consumption right now. A few people have asked if I still have the old Mindful Budgeting print templates that I used to sell here, and the answer is yes! If you’re looking for a tool that can help you take control (or at least take stock) of your finances right now, in this time of uncertainty, I’ve uploaded the files so you can download them for free. Here are the tw
Hi friends! I’m going to keep this short, because I can only imagine you’re feeling maxed out on content consumption right now. A few people have asked if I still have the old Mindful Budgeting print templates that I used to sell here, and the answer is yes! If you’re looking for a tool that can help you take control (or at least take stock) of your finances right now, in this time of uncertainty, I’ve uploaded the files so you can download them for free. Here are the two links:
Some of my personal story is outdated (for example: no longer working full-time for a company, as I am now self-employed) but that’s not the content that matters. If you want, skip ahead to page 9 of the program PDF to learn how to use the templates. There are weekly spending sheets, a monthly budget, a monthly calendar to stay organized, and two exercises to help you do monthly check-ins to see how you’re feeling + quarterly check-ins to ensure your spending aligns with values.
UPDATE 3/23: After receiving a number of emails asking about the physicalMindful Budgeting Planners, I have decided to re-upload everything to the print shop—and sell them at cost. That means I’m not profiting from the sale. The price you pay is what it costs the company to print + ship them to you.
I hope this is helpful and feels supportive right now. Love you, thinking of you, and sending so much strength!
Hi friends :)
A few months ago, I received a couple messages asking why I wasn’t promoting my new book more. The most honest thing I can say: I was scared to promote something that wasn’t done yet. Some of you had found it online, but the book itself wasn’t done going through its rounds of copyediting, proofing, etc. And at every stage of this process, I thought, “I won’t believe it until I see it.” Now, I see it. It’s a real thing that will be i
A few months ago, I received a couple messages asking why I wasn’t promoting my new book more. The most honest thing I can say: I was scared to promote something that wasn’t done yet. Some of you had found it online, but the book itself wasn’t done going through its rounds of copyediting, proofing, etc. And at every stage of this process, I thought, “I won’t believe it until I see it.” Now, I see it. It’s a real thing that will be in our hands in just TWO months! Today, I am finally ready to introduce you to: ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT.
I first came up with the idea for this book while hiking the mountain in my backyard. It was one of those hikes where every step up was more of a mental challenge than a physical one; where I had to talk myself into carrying on, rather than giving up and turning around before reaching the summit. It wasn’t just a voice inside my head. I was saying the words out loud. “Keep going, Cait. You’ll be glad you did.” And then I thought, I bet people don’t know that this is what most hikes feel like for me.
Despite what you might think when you look at my Instagram account, I am not a confident hiker. I don’t always trust that my body is capable of doing what I want it to. And for most of my life, I was afraid of taking a wrong step, and risking slipping or falling down. It’s not that I was afraid of hurting myself. I was afraid of failing. And I was especially afraid of daring to stand out, and letting anyone see me take a risk and fail.
That same fear is one that has crept in, every single time I’ve thought about changing paths in life. Before doing something big, like quitting drinking or giving up my home to travel. But also before making some of the seemingly smaller lifestyle changes, like becoming a vegetarian or doing that shopping ban we’ve talked about a few times before. ;)
When you decide to step off the path you’re on and go down a different one, it’s scary. It’s especially scary when you don’t have anyone in your life who has made the same choice as you. Who has somehow quieted the messaging they’ve received since they were a child. Who has walked away from what is expected of them or what they think they should do. Who has actively chosen to brush up against the situations you will face when you decide to hike your own hike in life, so to speak. And who can tell you if it will “work” or not.
What I have noticed in the months and years since publishing my first book is that this is a conversation that’s missing from the minimalism/intentional/simple living space—and really most of the self-help books I see and read. We are so quick to share overly simplified statements about how “letting go” or following a few steps will magically make everything better. But in that process, we send you off with no warning of the kinds of tougher situations you might find yourself in when you’re out there on your own, or how to work through them.
That’s why I wrote this book. We need to have more conversations about what really happens when you decide to do something different than everyone around you.
I’ve gone through this process a few times, as you know. But it wasn’t until I quit drinking that I started hiking more regularly. Using my two feet (and occasionally my hands for help) to walk off the main roads and out into nature. And what I have come to learn over the years is that there is an incredible parallel between taking a different path in life and the psychological work it takes to summit a mountain—especially when you decide to go solo. What’s often missing from the beautiful images, and the conversation about both opting out and hiking, is the truth about how hard it is.
To opt out is to step off the path you’re on and start doing what feels right for you. To do it, you have to embrace the fact that it will be an adventure, filled with risks and uncertainty, but also rewards and lessons that could potentially change your life in ways you have never imagined. It will be hard. You might make mistakes. You could even lose friends along the way. This is not an easy journey to go on. Personally, the only reason I keep lacing up and doing both is because I know I will never regret trying. You won’t just be rewarded with a view. You will return feeling a little bit more like yourself.
ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT isn’t another memoir or a self-help book filled with steps that take you down one particular path. It’s a field guide filled with stories (mine + stories shared by some of my friends) about how to lead an intentional life. I wanted it to feel like a conversation between two people: you and me. And while it’s not a traditional choose-your-own-adventure book, it will help you choose your own adventure. I hope this book leaves you more equipped for your own journey and that you pick it up whenever you feel alone out there. :)
HOW PRE-ORDERS HELP AUTHORS
This book only exists because a handful of people could envision what I wanted to create. In a way, its undertaking was an opt-out of its own. I proposed to write a book in a style I hadn’t seen before and couldn’t provide any clear examples of what to compare it to. Few people understood the idea, let alone trusted that it would sell. But Little, Brown Spark could see the path I was already on, and offered to help me carve out the next section of it. That’s how we got here, and I am so grateful.
When my editor sent back notes on the first draft of this book, she said: “It was such a pleasure to read and edit ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT. It’s meditative and thoughtful, yet also lively and engaging. I love that you try to meet readers wherever they are in their opting out journey and also don’t sugarcoat the rough spots they are likely to encounter.” My friend Alanna witnessed me reading this email for the first time, with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. This is exactly what I wanted to create for us.
ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT will be released in North America* on September 15th. Yes, THIS YEAR! And in this pandemic. Which has been about as confusing to navigate, as you can imagine!
If you’re as excited about it as I am, I hope you’ll consider pre-ordering a copy of ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT. Pre-orders help bookstores decide whether or not to carry your book, and help publishers calculate how many copies to print. It’s also a vote with your dollars, and a way to signal that you believe in an author—which helps them write more books in the future. There’s no “one right way” to pre-order. Through your local bookstores, online retailers, etc. It all counts. Here a few links that might be helpful:
*Note: We are still waiting to hear from publishers in the UK and Australia, so I will send you more information + release dates as soon as I have it!
That’s all for now, friend. Thank you for being so patient while I worked on this. That is one of my favourite qualities in a friendship: trusting that you might spend some time apart, but you will always come back to each other when the time is right.
Please let me know if you have any questions! I can’t wait to chat more soon. Until then—
We are just TWO WEEKS OUT from the North American release of my new book, ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT! Last week, my publisher (Little, Brown Spark) sent me a few boxes of free copies, so I’ve spent the last few days packaging and sending them to friends across Canada and the US. Now that I’ve held it in my hand, it finally feels real! September 15th will be here before we know it.
While we’re all waiting for the official release, I thought it might be fun to share a bit m
We are just TWO WEEKS OUT from the North American release of my new book, ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT! Last week, my publisher (Little, Brown Spark) sent me a few boxes of free copies, so I’ve spent the last few days packaging and sending them to friends across Canada and the US. Now that I’ve held it in my hand, it finally feels real! September 15th will be here before we know it.
While we’re all waiting for the official release, I thought it might be fun to share a bit more about the book with you. So I reached out to my good friend Shannon McNay and asked if she would help me with an idea. Shannon is the first and only friend who has read this book so far. Not only has she read it, Shannon actually helped me edit the first draft last year. She is an incredibly thoughtful writer and editor who understood the idea better than anyone, and helped me execute it in a way I couldn’t have done on my own. You could say, she was my adventure partner in this writing project. So I knew she was also the best first person to interview me about it. Thankfully, she agreed.
Below, you will find a Q&A between us. It’s a little long, so you might want to make a cup of coffee/tea and settle in for this. (And a quick note to journalists and podcasters: if you want to read a copy + do an interview about the book, send me a note at caitflanders at gmail dot com.)
Shannon: This book has been a long time coming, and I for one can’t wait to see it on shelves! One thing I think people will be curious about off the bat is how much of your story will be in it. We’ve gotten to know you well through your blog and your first book, The Year of Less. How much of your story can we expect in Adventures in Opting Out?
Cait: That’s a great question to start with, because it feels important to set expectations before readers pick it up. This book is personal, but on a different level than TYOL was. TYOL included a lot of background stories, as well as some of the emotional struggles I dealt with in the early years of my sobriety. AIOO was naturally going to be different, because you can’t write the same book twice! So it takes what you know about me, and shows you where I’m at today and how I’m showing up in this world. (My editor also said you don’t need to read my first book, in order to enjoy this one, which is great!) It includes personal stories, but my favourite thing about AIOO is that it includes other people’s stories too. It is also filled with the observations we’ve all made on our journeys, and the insights/guidance that might help you gather the courage to stop doing something that’s no longer serving you and start living life on your own terms.
What inspired you to write your next book in this format?
So by format, you mean the five-part structure where I walk you through the emotional + practical work it can take to change paths in life, and compare it to the five sections you might experience on a difficult hike. The answer to that is actually pretty simple. I was out for a solo hike and noticed how many times I was having to talk myself out of quitting before I reached the summit. I could finally hear the one voice that said, “nobody would even know, you have nothing to prove,” and then the second voice that replied, “just keep going, you’ll be glad you did.” After going back and forth a handful of times, it dawned on me that most people probably wouldn’t believe this is what hiking feels like for me. You might look at my Instagram and think I skip up every mountain I stand in front of. But more often than not, it takes a lot of encouragement for me, both to get started and to keep going. The more I paid attention to my hikes after, the clearer the analogy became.
How did you come up with ideas on who to interview? Did your interviewees have something in common you were looking for?
I interviewed a mix of long-time friends, new friends, and people whose work I love and/or whose lifestyle intrigued me. There were also some big asks! People I had never spoken with before, but who I really wanted to include in the book. The main reason I reached out to each person was because they had proven (either in previous conversations or online) that they weren’t afraid to show/talk about how difficult it can be to live differently from how they were raised/how their family or friends live. This book isn’t for the people who have endless enthusiasm and confidence that they can do whatever is right for them. It’s for the people who are afraid to enter the unknown, and who have questions and concerns about what’s ahead for them. I wanted to write something that felt like a guidebook, which you could open up and turn to whenever you needed a little support in your own journey. By sharing their experiences, that’s what the interviewees helped me create.
Did any themes/trends emerge as you did your interviews?
There were a few, for sure. If I had to break them down, I would say:
People felt like they had no one to talk about the new way they chose to live, at first, because they didn’t know anyone personally who had made the same choice(s).
Feeling misunderstood was a common thread. Feeling like most people didn’t understand what they were doing, and/or that they constantly felt like they had to explain themselves.
And a handful of people described themselves as the “black sheep” of their family/friend groups. While some said this was a new feeling, others said this had always been their experience—feeling like the odd one out. They were just finally being open and honest about how/why they were different.
As our conversations continued, people said they eventually built friendships and relationships that were more meaningful. They described finding and/or creating new communities of like-minded people, and a deeper sense of belonging came after they started showing up as themselves. But it didn’t matter what people were opting out of—from going vegetarian/vegan to choosing a clean and sober life, moving to a new city or traveling full-time, changing careers or taking a sabbatical, quitting social media, deciding to be child-free, getting a divorce or having a non-traditional relationship—these were the themes that came up with almost everyone I talked to.
You’ve shared that hiking + an adventurous mindset doesn’t come naturally to you. And yet, anyone who follows you on Instagram can see that you love spending time outside. Can you tell us a little about what the outdoors means to you?
I could probably write a book about that. Or maybe I just did, haha. But to sum up my thoughts, one of the reasons I love spending time outdoors is because you can be your full self out there. Nature doesn’t care where you came from or what you do or what your goals are. It doesn’t care how much money you earn or how you earn it or what you spend it on. It doesn’t demand you to fit into a box or mold yourself to one identity. You can just walk among the plants/trees or next to a body of water and be yourself. No explanations required.
I love hearing about your adventures and seeing the pictures you post on Instagram, but my idea of adventure doesn’t go far beyond exploring new coffee shops and bookstores. Would you say this book would be useful for people like me, who love the idea of adventure but prefer a warm and cozy bed at the end of the day?
Well my humorous side wants to joke and say: that’s probably what adventure looks like for many of us right now! Who knew that getting to go to a coffee shop or bookstore would be such a challenge, and ultimately feel like such a luxury? (I didn’t even think bookstores would be able to figure out a way to re-open during the pandemic, so cheers to that!) But in all seriousness, I put the word “adventure” in the title as more of an offering: the suggestion that, in order to change paths and live a more intentional life, you might need to embrace an adventurous mindset. We can all learn how to do that. It’s something I think I will be practicing (not perfecting) for the rest of my life.
For those of us who nerd out on writing, can you tell us about what the publishing process was like from the time you pitched the book until now?
How much time do we have!?! The first thing I will say is that none of this would be happening if TYOL hadn’t sold well. A couple weeks ago, my UK publisher told me TYOL has sold over 190,000 copies across physical/digital/audio—so the fact that I got to write a second book at all is actually thanks to everyone who bought my first one. It feels really important to acknowledge that, because it could have gone differently. I am so grateful to everyone who has supported me, so far.
A few months after TYOL came out, I went on that solo hike and started to see a vision of what AIOO could look like. You might actually remember that we were sitting at a coffee shop in NYC, when I drew a messy squiggle line, pointed to different parts of it and told you what happens at each stage of the opt-out journey! I shared that idea with a few more friends who all seemed keen on it, or who nodded along in agreement and shared their experiences with me. After planting enough seeds, I told my agent and we agreed the idea was worthy of a full book proposal.
Non-fiction book proposals are a huge undertaking of their own. You essentially write 10-20,000 words explaining what you want to write, why, who will be interested in it, and so on. Some people can draft these quickly, but it took about 3 months for me to finish this one. You edited the first draft of that, too! After my agent and I had gone back and forth on it a few times, she pitched it to a bunch of publishers. Some didn’t understand the idea, which happened with TYOL too. But three made offers, and ultimately I went with the publisher who I felt most understood the idea: Little, Brown Spark.
That was in March 2019. Between then and now, I have honestly had the most supportive publishing experience I could’ve imagined for this book. And something I’m really proud of is that I’ve been more vocal about my vision for it, too. With TYOL, I didn’t feel worthy of a book deal, so I stayed quiet about a few things I would have done differently. But I think because AIOO started as the vision of this messy squiggle line (you will all see it soon, haha), it has always felt like a truly creative undertaking. From hearing my suggestion and hiring Amanda Sandlin to design the cover, to asking for my input on audio and marketing and so on, I have felt supported all throughout this project. I feel extremely fortunate to be working with such an incredible team of people right now. <3
You did have to let go of one idea you had for this book, and I know that was really hard for you. Do you want to talk about the audiobook?
Ooomph, yes, let’s do that. So, it’s safe to say that publishing a book during a pandemic is… less than ideal. For so many reasons. There are a lot of challenges with it. And one problem we had was figuring out how I could record the audiobook. I don’t have a professional studio at home, and it sounds like a lot of studios were closed in the spring for liability reasons. So my BIG publisher (Hachette) made the decision that all audiobooks would have to be recorded by professional narrators, not authors. I think everyone who knows me can imagine how disappointed I was by this decision, at first. I LOVE audio. I studied radio in school, recorded 5 seasons of a podcast with my friend Carrie in the past, and genuinely enjoy all parts of the planning + recording + editing processes. So I cried. I mean, I literally grieved this for a few days. And I’m kind of laughing about it now, because it’s not actually that big of a deal! But it felt big at the time, maybe because it was something I had actually been looking forward to, and so many other things (personal, not book-related) had been taken away because of COVID.
But here’s what happened next: Hachette had a bunch of narrators audition for the audiobook. I listened to them all, and there was one person who literally read it EXACTLY how I would have. And with that, my anxiety was eased. Christine and I got to chat about the book before she recorded it, so I could share my vision, describe how I wanted listeners to feel during each of the five sections, etc. Hachette let me pick some fun music to be played at the beginning and end. And in the end, we have an audiobook that I love—AND there is one more person who helped me bring the whole project to life. A true collaboration. I couldn’t do it myself, but it’s exactly what I would’ve done, if that makes any sense.
What kind of effect did writing this book have on your life?
Oh, I think it’s almost the other way around: what kind of effect did my life have on this book. Because, while it’s true that every creative project changes you in some way, it feels more true that I changed while I was writing it—and that change showed up in these pages. I’ve eluded to this (and am still not ready to discuss it) but I had a traumatic experience while I was finishing the first draft. And you know more than anyone how much it changed me, and how terrified I was to revisit this book as my new self. Now that some time has passed, I can read the final words and see how that situation might have changed me in a good way. It made me a little more tender; a little more clear and confident when it comes to setting boundaries; and somehow, a little more generous with my love. It made me want to hold people’s hands and model how to take good care of yourself. Because you are worth taking care of. And so, the book became a little less researched and a lot more support-filled. I’m very happy with the final product.
I know COVID is drastically changing the way many of us look at our lives, which makes me think this book is more important than ever. How do you think someone can relate what they might learn from this book to the world we’re suddenly and currently living in?
Well, I think it’s important to acknowledge that these first few months of life with COVID have been a different experience for everyone, and have been much more severe for some than others. Actually, my agent and editor will both remember how much anxiety I had at the thought of publishing this book during a pandemic, back in March. But now that some time has passed, you’re right, I think there are also a lot of people whose lives have simply been put on pause, and who are sitting with their thoughts/feelings for the first time (or at least the first time in a long time). And many people who are spending more time at home thinking about what they want to do differently on the other side of this. Right now, I think AIOO could help those people explore the feelings that are coming up for them, and maybe begin to plant some seeds/ideas about what they might do differently later. If you can mentally prepare for what might happen when you decide to change paths, I think you stand a better chance at actually following through with it. If AIOO helps with that, I can only be grateful.
TLDR (too long, didn’t read) Rapid Fire Questions
What should your readers expect from the book? I hope it feels like you’re having a conversation with a friend, which you can return to anytime you need to.
Will this book be another memoir? Not really, but also, kind of!? If self-help memoir is a genre, that would be the box I fit closest into, haha.
How is this different from your previous book? Less background info and personal stories, more insights and practical guidance.
What if the reader isn’t an “adventure” type? You definitely don’t need to be outdoorsy/adventurous in order to read this book. I can promise you that!
What does adventure mean to you? Adventure is a mindset. You embrace it by knowing a journey will come with ups and downs, and trusting you’re capable of dealing with them all, in order to get where you want to go.
What can we expect from your future work? I want to get to the end of my life and say I’ve tried to write a little bit of everything. I don’t know what I’ll try next, but you can expect something different from every piece of work!
There is still time to pre-order the book!
If you’re as excited about AIOO as I am, I hope you’ll consider pre-ordering a copy of it. Pre-orders help bookstores decide whether or not to carry your book, and help publishers calculate how many copies to print and where to send them to. It’s also a vote with your dollars, and a way to signal that you believe in an author—which helps them write more books in the future. There’s no “one right way” to pre-order. Through your local bookstores, online retailers, etc. It all counts. Here a few links that might be helpful, and don’t forget you can now pre-order the audiobook! :D
Hi friends! Most mornings, I take things really slow. I lay in bed for a while. Stretch. Then grab a book, make a coffee, and curl up and read on the couch with Cooey. I love this little ritual. It’s the calmest way I can start my day. And yet, I couldn’t do that today. Because when I opened my eyes, I knew what day it was. September 15th! My second book’s birthday! ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT IS FINALLY HERE!
Amazon (US) | Barnes and Noble | iBooks | IndieBound
Amazon
Hi friends! Most mornings, I take things really slow. I lay in bed for a while. Stretch. Then grab a book, make a coffee, and curl up and read on the couch with Cooey. I love this little ritual. It’s the calmest way I can start my day. And yet, I couldn’t do that today. Because when I opened my eyes, I knew what day it was. September 15th! My second book’s birthday! ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT IS FINALLY HERE!
I’ve already told you all about this book, so I won’t go on about it again. The only thing I want to repeat is that I hope it feels like you’re having a conversation with a friend, which you can return to anytime you need to. And I hope you enjoy meeting a few of my friends along the way!
To celebrate the “birth” of my new book, and any book you read in the future, here are a few ways you can support an author whose work you love:
Buy a copy!
AIOO is available as a hardcover/ebook/audiobook—online/in local bookstores/at all the usual retailers. Asking your local library to order it is incredibly helpful too!
Write a review
After reading it, this is the second-most important thing we can do for the authors we love: because it shows the world that people are actually reading your work! For authors, the best places you can leave your review are on Amazon or Goodreads. (I hangout there!) Reviews are often personal. Whenever I don’t know what to say, I just pull out my favourite quote and share that. <3
Share
If you enjoy the book, I would love to hear about the creative ways you’re sharing it! Not just on social media (though that’s helpful for me, of course!). But where did you read it? Who did you give your copy to after? Who did you have to buy their own copy for, because you weren’t ready to give yours up? Or where will you leave it after, perhaps for a stranger to find and enjoy? :)
Reach out for an interview
If you are a podcaster or journalist, and want a copy to read/review/run excerpts from/do an interview, let me know! I’d love to have a virtual coffee date and chat with you.
A few days ago, I woke up to an email from MJ, a buyer for Powell’s Books in Portland. She said some kind words about the book, then told me she had included it as one of her picks for fall 2020. Here is the generous review she shared in that blog post:
“Cait Flanders follows up The Year of Less with Adventures in Opting Out, a guide to navigating the road less traveled. I always feel better after I read Cait Flanders; there’s something about her mix of practicality and truth-telling that both soothes and inspires me. Interviews with fellow travelers, anecdotes, and sound wisdom make this a fast and inspirational read. 2020 has been filled with all sorts of intentional and unintentional adventures in opting out, and Flanders offers a sturdy and flexible framework to navigate whatever path you are currently on.”
I will leave it there, my friends! Thank you for all of your support!
xx Cait
PS – This beautiful picture was taken by the so very talented Amanda Sandlin. She also designed the cover! <3
It’s 7:09am, and I’m sitting at the dining room table in my dad’s house in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. It’s raining outside, the sound of which is barely making its way into the background, now that we have two dogs snoring in the room across from me. I had no intention of writing in this space, or even writing today at all. And yet, when I sat down with my coffee, the first thing I did was open up my website (old habits die hard) and click on the “Add New&
It’s 7:09am, and I’m sitting at the dining room table in my dad’s house in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. It’s raining outside, the sound of which is barely making its way into the background, now that we have two dogs snoring in the room across from me. I had no intention of writing in this space, or even writing today at all. And yet, when I sat down with my coffee, the first thing I did was open up my website (old habits die hard) and click on the “Add New” button. And now, here we are. :)
Hi! Hi. Hello. It is genuinely so nice to be here.
Apparently, it’s been 793 days since I wrote my last proper blog post. I’m not sure how you sum up 793 days in a few paragraphs, and so I’m not even going to try. Sitting at the keyboard today, the only thing I want to say right now is that: I’m here. I have capacity in my life and my heart and my nervous system to be here with you right now. This hasn’t been true for all of the last 793 days, but it is true right now and it feels good to be able to share those words.
I don’t have plans for this space. I don’t know how often I’ll write, or what I’ll write about, or what we might have discussions about. On that note, please know you have full permission to read or not read. To comment or not comment. To consume and interact with what I share in whatever way feels good for you. My only hope is that when you show up here, you feel like you are able to do so as your full self. Similar to all the years before, I will always commit to this being a safe space.
I will leave it there for now, friend. Hitting “Publish” while that still feels exciting. :)
Well, that was a nice surprise. I published my first little hello in more than two years, and was greeted with the loveliest responses. When I say that was a surprise, I truly mean it. I’ve thought about writing here many times throughout the pandemic, but one of the stories I was telling myself was that “people don’t read blogs anymore.” While that might be true for some, it is obviously not true for others. How wonderful to be proven wrong. :)
A number of you me
Well, that was a nice surprise. I published my first little hello in more than two years, and was greeted with the loveliest responses. When I say that was a surprise, I truly mean it. I’ve thought about writing here many times throughout the pandemic, but one of the stories I was telling myself was that “people don’t read blogs anymore.” While that might be true for some, it is obviously not true for others. How wonderful to be proven wrong. :)
A number of you mentioned my new book in your comments, and so I thought I would give you a mini update on that today. ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT was released 53 days ago in Canada and the US, and just 23 days ago in the UK. And it will finally be available in Australia on December 1! Your response to it has been more meaningful than I could have imagined. The messages we’ve shared via Instagram, in particular, have felt like little exchanges of being seen and held. Reminders that we are not alone on our individual journeys.
It’s also safe to say that releasing a book in 2020 has been… different. The world has changed in countless ways, of course. Within the book world, though, it has meant no events in bookshops, no public speaking, no major events at all. There has also been less media attention (there are so many more important things to be addressing, and smaller media teams/fewer publications doing that work). So it has been a very different launch, compared to my first book, and that has felt okay in some ways (namely: my mental health is in good shape). But the biggest surprise to me personally, as someone who is not very comfortable on stage, is that I have genuinely missed the in-person aspects of a launch. Which essentially boils down to saying that I have missed connecting with you. And while I can’t control much else, I can do something about that. :)
Let’s Call It: Somewhat of a Book Club
Not a serious book club. You don’t need to prepare anything. You don’t even need to have finished reading the book. Imagine something similar in feeling when we used to show up to bookshop events, buy a copy + listen to our favourite authors talk for a little while. Yes, more like that! Then imagine being able to do that in your favourite spot in your home. Where you can wear your comfiest clothes (you won’t be on camera), and sit or curl up wherever you like. That’s what I want. And I want to do it 5 times!
Sundays from November 15—December 13 (5 sessions) Time: 11am PT / 2pm ET / 7pm GMT (1 hour per session)
Every week, I’ll start by sharing a bit about 1 of the 5 sections of the book. (I’ll plan to go in order, but am always open to seeing where it goes.) And then I would love to spend the second half of our hour together answering your questions. (Actually, that might be one thing you could prepare: a question!)
If you’d like to join us, all you have to do is register here.
While we’ve all gotten more comfortable with Zoom this year, I have always appreciated how simple Crowdcast is—especially as an attendee of a virtual event. You will receive a confirmation email, and then another email reminder 10 minutes before each session. Then all you have to do is relax + watch!
(Note: If for some reason you don’t get any emails, you can simply bookmark + visit that Crowdcast link every Sunday at the start time!)
Our little book club is free for everyone to attend! Of course, anything you can do to support an author is helpful, especially this year. Aside from buying a copy of the book, one of the easiest ways to support any author you love is to review their book(s) on sites like Goodreads or Amazon. If you don’t know what to say, my personal practice is to simply share my favourite quote.
Ok, that’s all for now, friend! If you decide to join us, you will see my face online on November 15th! And before then, perhaps more words here soon. xx
While you’re waiting, you might enjoy reading/listening to some of the press I’ve done recently:
Hi friends!
On Sunday, we had our first of five (5) book club sessions together, and wow, did that hour pass quickly! These meetings of ours are totally casual/informal, but I thought I would share a little breakdown of what we did together, in the event it might inspire you to join us! This week, we:
talked about the basic idea/structure of ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUTread the introduction to Section 1—The Base (pages 19-64 in hardcover)outlined the three main themes in this section (
On Sunday, we had our first of five (5) book club sessions together, and wow, did that hour pass quickly! These meetings of ours are totally casual/informal, but I thought I would share a little breakdown of what we did together, in the event it might inspire you to join us! This week, we:
read the introduction to Section 1—The Base (pages 19-64 in hardcover)
outlined the three main themes in this section (paying attention, weighing your options, and experimenting/testing out other paths you might go down)
and then answered questions posed by the group!
And some GREAT questions were asked. Here are a few:
How do you separate the signs you mentioned that you maybe should make a change from potentially unsubstantiated anxieties about your current situation?
Have you or others you know ever struggled with not knowing what to “opt in” to once you opt out? For context, I know I would like to leave my job but have no idea what I would want to do next.
It’s true that we often opt out via a negative catalyst or when things comes to a head. Do you have any processes that you go through to ‘check in’ with where you’re at and perhaps be proactive about when you’re heading down a path that doesn’t suit? Change direction before you’re at a dead-end?
If you have already chosen the path that includes a husband and children, is it ever too late to opt out? Will it always be a half measure because you have so many other people’s paths to consider?
I need to opt out of toxic productivity/hustle culture for sure. When you opt out from something which is where you previously found your purpose or meaning, where do you get your self-worth from?
How do you redefine your notion of success? Traditionally, it revolves around monetary and family success. How do you feel successful without those things, by doing something different?
If you have tried opting out in the past and it has been an absolute disaster, how do you work up the courage to try again?
Over 400 of you registered for the first session, and joined us from all over the world: Canada, the US, the UK, the Netherlands, Austria, Italy, Malaysia, and countless more countries. It was wild to see. And perhaps the best part was something I couldn’t have predicted: the incredibly open/honest discussions you were having in the chat!
I couldn’t follow along with it all, but by the end it was made clear that everyone wanted to connect further outside of these sessions. There are a few different ways you can do that:
I’m happy to post a weekly recap like this and we can chat more here!
If you use Instagram, remember you can follow the #adventuresinoptingout hashtag + also use it on your own posts, to connect with others! I’m happy to share your posts to my stories, so more people can find you that way. :)
One member, Melanie, also kindly agreed to create a private Facebook group for attendees to keep in touch + connect throughout the week. (A note that I won’t be in the group myself, but your conversations on Sunday proved you really don’t need me there!)
The fun news: it’s not too late to register!
We have four (4) more sessions, on Sundays at 11am PT. Also: if you are registered, you have access to replays of each session from now through to December 31st. If you would like to join us for future sessions, YOU CAN REGISTER HERE. Attendees can watch the replay of the first session + see the discussion that happened alongside of it!
We will discuss Section 2—The Viewpoint on Sunday, November 22nd at 11am PT. See you then, friends!
PS – The picture at the top of this post is from Angela, a bookstagrammer/reviewer based in Arizona. It is so dreamy, and I’m grateful she agreed to let me share it. :)
Yesterday, we had our second of five (5) book club sessions together. A few people mentioned it is quickly becoming their favourite part of the week. Now that we are living with further restrictions here again, where we can’t socialize with anyone outside of our household, I would have to agree. It feels good to be able to gather online and connect over similar topics. This week, we:
read the introduction to Section 2—The Viewpoint (pages 65-100 in hardcover) in ADVENTURES IN
Yesterday, we had our second of five (5) book club sessions together. A few people mentioned it is quickly becoming their favourite part of the week. Now that we are living with further restrictions here again, where we can’t socialize with anyone outside of our household, I would have to agree. It feels good to be able to gather online and connect over similar topics. This week, we:
read the introduction to Section 2—The Viewpoint (pages 65-100 in hardcover) in ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT
outlined the four main themes in this section (starting slow, seeing the signs that you’ve made the right choice, enjoying the early benefits of opting out, and figuring out what will motivate you to keep going)
shared some of the things we are currently/thinking about opting out of
shared some of the early signs that we’ve opted out of the right thing
and then I answered questions posed by the group!
A few of the questions that were asked:
How can I talk to friends about this without making feel as if they have to justify their choices?
Do you have common reference points that you use to gauge changes in yourself as your progress on your journey? The subjectiveness of “am I happier?” feels insufficient.
I’m having trouble enjoying it because I’m afraid of when I’ll inevitably relapse or at least that things will get harder. Did you have that fear when you worked to be healthier/quit drinking, and how did you push through?
How do you feel about opting out for a shorter time, not forever? For example, opting out of a particular friend or activity for the meantime. For context, my boundaries have become much more delicate and stricter since COVID. What’s the difference between opting out and adding more boundaries?
A reminder that if you are registered but missed it live, you can watch a replay here. You will have access to replays of each session from now through to December 31st. This conversation was much lighter in subject matter, which felt supportive this week—and especially before leading into next week’s topic. We will discuss Section 3—The Valley on Sunday, November 29th at 11am PT. You can still register at this link!
Between now and then, don’t forget that you can connect with other readers here + on social media:
If you use Instagram, you can follow the #adventuresinoptingout hashtag + also use it on your own posts, to connect with others! I’m happy to share your posts to my stories, so more people can find you that way. :)
One member, Melanie, also kindly agreed to create a private Facebook group for other readers/adventurers. (A reminder that I won’t be in the group myself, but there are already 50+ people there!)
That’s all for now! See you again next week, friends. :)
PS – The picture at the top of this post is of the UK cover of Adventures in Opting Out. It was taken by author and friend, Laura Jane Williams. A note that if you’re looking for a little modern romance this winter, her latest books (Our Stop + The Love Square) really hit the spot.
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